▶ Your Answer :Managing how students spend time is improtant because it shapes their lives. With this understanding, I believe that it is important for students to be encouraged to study the subjects that they are interested in instead of studying science, technology, engineering, and math. This is because studying the subjects that students are interested in enables them to broaden interpersonal skills and enjoy a better quality of life.
First, studying the subjects that students are interested in provides more effective method for them to broaden interpersonal skills compared to studying general subjects. Understanding the importance of social skills in work environments and the potential role of studying what the students are interested in is necessary to substantiate this view. I engaged in a variety of school activities during my school years. In addition to my school activities, I was interested in playing instruments such as guitar compared to studying general subjects. This was is extremely useful in helping me to build interpersonal skills. After I graduated from high school, I got a job. My bosses were pleased to listen to my giutar music and we joyfully continued to talk about rock music festival held in Korea. Compared to my co-workers, I could build strong relationships with my bosses by sharing opinions that we are interested in. In this regard, I learned that studying the subjects that students are interested in provides more effective method for them to broaden interpersonal skills.
Second, studying the subjects that students are interested in provides more effective method for them to enjoy a better quality of life compared to studying general subjects. A renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article in " The Korean Herald" last Monday which claims that studying the subjects that students are interested in enables students to strengthen competitiveness in society compared to studying general subjects. The article claims that 62 percent of 200 leading Korean recruiters prefer people who spent more time to learn the subjects that they want. Recruiters show such a tendency because they are more likely to endure challenges and will be able to resolve them compared to people who to attain knowledge in general subjects. This is because they do not give up during the hard time. This not only results in job promotions but also encourages^them to enjoy a better quality of life.
To sum up, I believe that it is important for students to be encouraged to study the subjects that they are interested in instead of studying science, technology, engineering, and math for the following reasons: to broaden interpersonal skills and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons that I have mentioned above.
Good (24-26) 첫번째 본문 -문맥상 과거이므로 is-->was, learn-->learned
두번째 본문 -people을 꾸며주므로, who절로 써주시는 것이 좋습니다. -관심있는 과목을 공부하는 것이 왜/경쟁심을 키워주는지 설명해주세요.
두번째 본문 보충해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |