▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be divided over whether technology designed to make people’s
lives simpler often turns out to make them more complicated. People of diverse
ages and from different walks of life may take diverse positions on this
controversial issue. I agree that some technologies make people’s lives more
complicated because they are responsible for rising unemployment rate to some
extent.
To begin with, many people lose their job annually due to the advent of new
technologies. The unemployment rate is quite complex issue. The rise and fall
of the nation depends on this issue, so many countries struggle to handle it. By
the way, the introduction of new technologies makes this problem more
complicated. Opponents Proponents of my perspective claim that technologies enrich all
our lives, and there is no connection between technologies and unemployment
rate. Advocates’ claims may sound reasonable on the surface. However, if we
take a closer look at their contentions, the rationale for their assertion
lacks logic in many ways. Moreover, my personal example can debunk their claim.
A friend of mine Minsu recently was fired from the Hyundai Motor Group in Ulsan
because the factories were automated and apply the artificial intelligence
technology to the plants. Thus, the factories did not didn’t need many workers any
more. This shows that new technologies, which were developed though to make people’s
lives simple, unintentionally make our lives more complicated.
In addition, beyond my personal example, there are many articles which can
support my argument. They expressed doubts that are similar to my point of
view. A few weeks ago, I had a chance to read an article from the Dong-A Daily
news that is related to the topic. It described the results of the survey
conducted by the Samsung Economic Research Institute social science researchers
with more than five hundred futurists working at the United Nations. According
to the article, of the 500 futurists surveyed more than 80 percent of them
answered that the advent of new technologies gives us many benefits, as well as
problems, and many jobs, about 500,000 kinds of them, will be disappeared in
the future. The futurists went on to say that if we do not don’t have promising solutions
to this problems, we will face more difficult situations.
As I mentioned above, based on the examples, I can conclude that technology
designed to make people’s lives simpler often turns out to make them more
complicated.
Fair (17-23) 첫번째 본문 -철자 오류, 반대되는 의미로 철자 오류는 내용에 혼란을 줍니다. -축약형 지양해주세요. didn't-->did not -though 삭제 -문맥상 developed 비슷한 단어가 들어가야 합니다.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양 -내용이 이유/설명은 첫번째 본문과 같고, 예시만 다릅니다. 본문에 이유1개이고 예시2개입니다. 상이한 이유 2개에 예시 2개를 쓰셔야 글의 설득력이 올라갑니다. 본문 하나당 이유1, 예시1을 써주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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