▶ Your Answer : Based of their knowledge of experience of the world, some people might think that television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them. However, in my opinion, it is not a good idea because television for instruction can be misued for political purpose and entertaing people using television relieve stress. First of all, instructing people using television has a high possibility of being misused. Instructing people with television may sound fine, but it leaves one significant question. Who decides the content for instruction for what purpose? If television were used to instruct people, the privileged or governers can make use of it so as to benefit themselves by making fool of the public. Let me bring up a historical event to support this. When Gwangju protest happened in 1980s, the goverment controlled the media mediea, especially broadcasting, to conceal the truth and fool people in other capitals under the name of instruction. People living outside Gwangju had no idea about what was really happening in Gwangju and they were deceived to believe that the protest in Gwangju was a trivial riot by trailtor and bulglars. Unfortunately this tragedy still goes on in North Korea, where Kim dynasty persecutes and exploits North Koreans controlling the media. Controlling the media mediea here includes instruction using televisoin. Since instruction using television has been precedented by many bad cases, it is well advised not to use televsion for instuction. On top of that, television for entertainment has a good impact on people relieving their stress. In this highly competitive society, all people are required to do their best on their work to make a living. This process involves harsh competition implicating the necessity for getting refreshed to go forward. Television can play a good role to recharge people's physical and mental batteries. Let me illustrate this by bringing up my personal experience. I am a college student who is doing three part time jobs. I am overwhelmed by many of files of school works and by a lot of works to finish at my workplace. Watching television for entertainment is a precious time for me to get refreshed and getting of my stress. To sum up, using television for entertainment is far better than using it for instructive purpose. Instruction process may involves tyranny and people can relieve their stress while watching entertainment shows on televisions. The importance of my assertion could not couldn't be underestimated for the reasons I have I've mentioned above.
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첫번째 본문 -수 일치; 단수 who 받으므로 s필요 -철자 오류 mediea-->media -철자 오류 trailtor-->traitor -수 일치; 단수 동사 두번째 본문 -~에 의해서, ~로 라는 뜻의 전치사 필요합니다. by -파란 부분에 대한 설명 더 해주세요. 어떻게 refresh 되는지 설명해주세요. -첫본문과 길이 균형 좀더 맞춰주세요. 내용 보충해주세요.
결론 -축약형 지양해주세요. couldn't-->could not, I've-->I have
수고하셨습니다~~
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