▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that people’s freedom must not be violated in any case. This is because freedom is one of the most imperative factor for human right. However, in my opinion, people’s freedom can be infringed in particular cases for two reasons.
First of all, for well organised society, freedom should be protected only when it does not doesn’t hurt other people’s freedom. It is true that sometimes excessive freedom for some people can confine other people’s behaviours or right. In these cases, we cannot say that it is freedom any no more because it is attained by hurting other people’s freedom. Since every person has have the right to be free, they have to try to keep other people’s own territory, which means people’s freedom can be infringed in those cases. Then, this infringement would make the society better organised. A renowned professor Kim from Pittsburgh university conducted an experiment with two groups. Group A had some rules such as not shouting loudly, not beating or not saying insults to other people, which prevented behaviours of annoying other people. Otherwise, group B did not set any rules and it was allowed for everyone to do anything they wanted. Then, each two group did some group activities. After finishing them, people in group A were even more satisfied with their group members than people in group B were and activity results from group A were also better and well organised.
Moreover, if there is a better choice for the society, sometimes individual’s freedom can be confined. It is hard for individuals to consider every circumstances of their society and they make decision for just their own sake, not for whole society. However, just like ‘prisoner’s dilemma’, each person’s behaviour for their own benefit can result in bad outcomes even though there exists a better choice for everyone. In those cases, it is better to confine individual’s freedom to some extend and choose the one with seeking everyone’s benefits. To be specific, taxing is one of examples of that. Our freedom is infringed partly due to paying tax for our government. But, thanks to this taxation policy, we can get many benefits from schools, libraries, parks, and so on which are established by using people’s tax. This cannot be attained if we use those money freely. Even though our freedom is confined to some extent, people enjoy more beneficial life.
In conclusion, people’s freedom can be infringed in particular cases. This is because for better society, freedom should be protected only when it does not doesn’t avoid other people’s freedom and if there is a better choice for the society, sometimes individual’s freedom can be confined.
Good (24–26) 첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. doesn't-->does not -앞에 cannot 부정이 나왔으므로 no more은 이중 부정입니다. 따라서, any 로 써주세요. -every 는 문법상 단수 입니다. -어떤 behaviour인지 설명하는 의미에서 of 넣어주세요.
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