▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, adults should consider how to spend their time with children in little childeren , which plays a significant role in children's lives people's live in many of places where they work and play. There are several ways to give positive impacts on children aged between 5 to 10. At fFirst, people could control the types of the TV programs and movies children watch. Also, they could aslo spend their time talking with their little child. Furthermore, someone could supervise children while they are playing with their friends. Although all of these methods would be effective to make affirmative influences to little children, I would say that spending speding time having a conversation would be the best approach to create positive impact on children. There are several reasons as follow.
To begin with, when little children talk with others in many times, they could construct a positive view on society. When people are in their youth, especially especailly aged d between 5 to 10, they are easily affected by someone's talk. To be specific, at that time, because they are too young to make their own view by doing independent study or research on various topics, they usually absorb other people's the other's opinion in a conversation. Thus, it is really important for them who are the main talker with them in the conversation, what the characteristics charactersistics they have and which aspect they do put emphasis on. In other words, if children have a chance to have a conversation with people who are intelligent intellegent and have a good virtue, they could get good influence from resemble with them by talking with them.
In addition, spending time chatting with children is a definitely good practice practcie for children to make new friends in their school. Around aged 8, most children go to school for learning. Moreover, they meet many students from different backgrounds, and have to talk with them to be a close friend. In that situation, an experience to chat with other people would make them feel free to make a new friend. For example, Tokyo University conducted an analysis ananlysis on first year students in elementary school about their making friends. They found that students who were are very popular popluar among his or her classmates were are likely to have a parents chatting with them frequently in their daily life. Specifically, they are welcomed to their friends because of their friendly talking skills, which may be made by the repeated talking with their parents.
All things considered, chatting with little children childeren would bring birng a positive impact on their children the most for the reasons that I have mentioned above. All in all, how to spend time in the youth cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of making a good characteristics of little children.
Comment : 부모가 아이와 함께 시간을 보낼 때 신경서야 하는 것을 물었는지, 단순히 아이들에게 어른이 해주어야 하는 부분에 대해 물었는지 다시 점검해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 현재 글에서는 부모와의 대화로 표현되기도 하고 '다른 사람들과의 대화'로 표현되는 부분들도 있어서 주제가 불분명하게 느껴집니다. 사회에 대한 긍정적인 인상을 심어주는 것과 사교성을 기르는 데 있어 좋다는 주장은 적절하지만, 본론1에서는 긍정적인 인상을 심어준다는 내용이 아니라 '누구와 대화하느냐에 따라 달라진다'라는 요지처럼 보일 수 있으니 흐름을 더 다듬어주는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. 오탈자가 많은 편이니 제출 전에 한번 더 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |