▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that taking elective
courses directly related to their majors is better. However, I believe that
taking elective courses in a wide variety of subjects is better. This is
because various subjects enables students to get instill better social skills while
taking elective courses related to their majors can lead to social isolation.
Taking their majors courses prevents
students from enjoying a better quality of life by leading to social isolation. 어떤 점에서 사회적 고립을 야기한다고 보는지 설명해주세요. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article
in “The Korean Herald” last Tuesday which claims that taking courses closely related to
their major subjects can lead to students' social isolation. My own experience demonstrates
some of the disadvantages of taking elective courses closely related to their major subjects. When
I was a university student, I just took the courses in my major. I It was hard for me to
understand subjects in other fields subjects and I could not cannot say anything in meeting or
talking with my boss. So, I felt am isolation in society. This example demonstrates
some of the disadvantage of taking elective courses closely related to one's major only. their major subjects. 사회적 고립이라는 키워드가 너무 비약적으로 느껴져요.
On the other hand, taking various subjects
allows students to get instill better social skills. Understanding the importance of
interpersonal relationships and a potential role of various subjects is necessary
to substantiate this view. Taking a wide variety of subjects and mingling with
peers from different fields can offer fresh perspectives on many issues, original
ideas, and even enlightening words of life wisdom. Embracing this diversity
empowers one with the deft social aptitude to accept human differences to build
and deepen interpersonal relationships. In this regard, I learned that taking
various subjects encourages students to instill learn better social skills.
To sum up, I believe that taking elective
courses in a wide variety of subjects is better than taking elective courses
related to their one's majors. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Comment : 본론1에서 전공과 관련된 교양수업만 드는 것이 사회적 고립을 야기한다는 내용이 너무 비약적으로 느껴져요. 결과적으로 다양한 전공의 교양수업을 듣는 것이 social skill을 얻는 데 도움을 준다는 내용과 통하기 때문에 본론1의 내용은 다른 주장으로 문단을 구성해보는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 본론 문단을 제시할 때 주장에 대한 설명이 충분히 이루어진 뒤에 사례 제시가 연결될 수 있도록 논리에 많이 신경써주세요. 어색한 표현도 줄일 수 있게 더 신경써주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |