Some believe that worker are more satisfied when they do similar tasks all day long . There are obviously many opinions regarding with this topic. However, I personally agree with the idea that it is beneficial for workers to have many different types of takes to do during the workday for the following two reasons. Workers can relieve their stress and become much more successful.; they can relieve their stress and become more successful.
To begin with, workers who have many different types of tasks can reduce their stress. They can forget about boredom. This is why if workers should work a various of tasks, the situation can help them let off stream prevent from accumulated stress. To be more specific, my personal experience can be an example. The fact that I had many different types of tasks definitely helped my struggle from stress me to get out from stress. When I was in university, I had part-time job in shopping mall. I had worked similar tasks all day long at the first. Doing similar tasks gave me a lot of stress because it was very boredom boring and I did not get achievement. So, I told to my boss that I wanted to have many different types of tasks. After my boss gave many different types of tasks, I was unbelievably refreshed. I did not feel boredom bored because I was busy, could get too much achievements as I was busy and could get more achievement than before. Also, I got satisfying outcomes. I, having an outlet, could manage to my stress. The same situation would apply to others who want to have many different types of task. If they work a various of tasks, they will forget about stressful situation. 주제에 대한 이유와 예시는 논리적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 하지만 제가 참석 하신것을 보앗듯이 문법적으로 틀린 부분이 많습니다. 특히 예시 부분에서 과거 시제로 에세이를 시작 했으면 꼭 과거형으로 계속 서술하시길 바랍니다. 제가 참석한 부분을 참고하시길 바랍니다.
Another positive effect of having many different types of tasks is that workers can obtain the requirements to become successful. They need a great deal of the experience to make it in this highly competition world. Therefore, they should have many different types of tasks because they will get the different point views to get the curve how to become successful from highly competitive society. An article I read online touched on this subject. Se Min became a successful CEO because he worked many different types of tasks. He learned different perspectives that needed to become a successful CEO through different works and how to operate the company. If He had worked only similar tasks, he had not achieved his satisfying life. The example is comparable to the experience of other worker want who wants to achieve satisfying life. They have to work a various types of tasks in order to achieve their satisfying life.
To conclude, I strongly believe that my stand views of the two reasons is are sufficiently convincing. Workers have to have many different types of tasks because they can reduce stress and become more successful.
Good: 24~30
점수: 24
제가 참석한 부분을 보앗듯이 문법적으로나 어법적으로 틀린 부분들이 있습니다. 참석한 부분들을 확인 하시고 고치시길 바랍니다. 이러한 문법적 오류들 이외에는 문제가 없는 거 같습니다. 특히 전반적으로 에세이를 논리적으로 잘 풀어 나갔습니다. 설명과 예시사이에 causal relationship이 가장 뚜렷하게 보였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.