▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is beneficial for people to have friends who
are intelligent. However, I believe that it is better for people to have
friends who have a good sense of humor. This is because having friends who have
a good sense of humor enables people to relieve stress while having friends who
are intelligent can put them under stress. (Only one advantage?)
To begin with/Firstly, having friends who are intelligent can prevent people from enjoying a
better quality of life (Sounds unnatural) by putting them under stress. In response to the
increasing role of having friends, many experts opinions and research statistics
reinforce the idea that having friends who are intelligent can put people under
stress. (Repeated sentence) For example, my friends visited foreign countries last year for the since she
was an exchange program student. It is true that she is intelligent but her characteristic is not outgoing and . In other words, she is not humorous. Because of her shyness,
she had some difficulties in making foreign friends. As a result, she could not
get along with them. Also, her studding efficiency was fallen. If she had had a
sense of humor, he would have studied more efficiently. (Those two are not related each other)
On the other hand, having friends who have a good sense of humor allows
people to relieve stress. Understanding the daily environment of people and the
potential role of having a sense of humor is necessary to substantiate this
view. Every morning, people have to patiently sit through traffic to get to
work. Once they are at work, they have to endure countless documents and
continue to read more even at home. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and
ultimately wears down people. As a way to the ensuing stress, people can have
friends who have a good sense of humor. Even if it is only for a short time, this
frees their minds from the intense mental pressure from work. Specially speaking,
people who are humorous will strengthen relationships with their friends and
enjoy a better quality of life .In this regard, having friends who have a good sense
of humor helps people to relieve stress. (Mostly organized with known-templates)
To sum up, I believe that it is better for people to have friends who
have a good sense of humor than who are intelligent. Consequently, the importance
of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 10-17 | - 인트로에서는 반드시 두 가지 이유를 간략하게 구술해주셔야 합니다. - 첫 번째 이유에서는 구체적인 예증 없이 반복적인 내용으로 구성이 되어있네요. - 무엇보다 study와 humor가 연결되어 있다는 점을 주장하기에는 근거가 미흡합니다. - 예시의 특정국가를 자세히 밝혀주세요. - 두 번째 내용은 대부분 템플릿으로 구성되어 있네요.
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