It
is debatable whether deciding quickly never merits or not. This is an
intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue are different
relying on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that
there are some circumstances that it is better for people to make hasty
decision for the following reasons.
To begin with, making decision as soon as possible can help take advantage of
opportunities in business. This is because our competitive society only rewards those who act quickly and decisively. For
example, my friend Gina, who owns a number of buildings in New York, of course
has a significant amount of budget. In fact, she does not have a constant job, and aren’t you curious about the
way she has bought so many buildings? The key is in her ‘hasty decision
in trading art pieces’. She always accesses
Auction, observing whether someone is selling paintings of famous artists. Once
she sees one there is it, she decides d to buy the piece as soon as possible, not
much considering how much the painting is, since sellers in auction usually
upload things at lower price than the formal markets. Although she sometimes
purchases paintings at ridiculously high price due to
her hasty decision, she always tells me that there are much more
opportunities to get them at incredibly low price when
she makes a quick decision to buy them before the price goes up. As a
result, by reselling them on relatively high price in formal markets, she could
take large profit. In this case, being able to make her mind in a spur of the
moment clearly worked to her advantage.
In addition, quick decisions can be crucial during medical crises. One reason for this is that even a
fraction of a second can mean the difference between life and death during
life-threatening emergencies. Only a person who can make lightning-fast
decisions will be able to save another person’s life in these situations. For
instance, when a person is having a heart attack, anyone with first aid
training needs to react instantly. The qualified individual must perform CPR
immediately, which involves chest compressions. Taking swift action can prevent
the death of a heart-attack victim.
To sum up, I firmly believe that immediate decisions are often the right ones
for the following reasons: to take profit in business and to solve disease
crises. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for
the reasons I mentioned above.
Fair (21-22)
첫번째 본문
-society 단수이므로 reward-->rewards
-에세이에서 질문은 지양해주세요. 또한, 이 질문은 불필요한 질문입니다.
-she 단수이므로 accesses
-once she sees one이 더 자연스러운 표현입니다.
-문장 시제에 맞게 she decides 의 현재로 써주세요.
-빠른 결정으로 인한 손해도 있지만 이득이 훨씬 크다를 강조하는 문장이므로 '빠른 결정'이라는 키워드를 넣어주시는 것이 좋습니다.
두번째 본문
-다 가정과 일어나지 않은 일에 대한 내용입니다. 예시는 객관적 사실이나 실제 일어난 일/인물로 펼치시는 것이 좋습니다. 모든 설명/이유/예시를 가정으로 하시면 글의 설득력이 떨어집니다. 글실력이 훌륭하게 뛰어난 경우가 아닌 이상 대부분의 경우에 모든 것을 가정하는 본문은 위험합니다.
-또한, 길이 균형 첫본문과 맞지 않습니다. 내용 늘려주세요.
내용/표현 측면에서 개선 필요합니다.
수고하셨습니다~~