▶ Your Answer :
Surely, teachers play a significant role in students'
development. Some people think that all teacher should be required to take
courses in every four years to update their knowledge, others do not. Both
sides have their own idea to support their own views. If I had to choose one, I
would say that teachers should take courses to promote their knowledge knowldege. There are several reasons
as follows.
To
begin with, when teachers take taking
courses about their special fields, it helps them improve their work
performance. Participating in courses such as seminars requires teachers to overview what they have known, check
whether it is correct, and add new ideas. When teachers fulfill such tasks, it
is likely to bring a better result in their work performance. For example, my
older brother used to be an irresponsible
teacher in high school shcool. He got
easily distracted, procrastinated, and acted on
impulse. He was not much interested in repeated his same classes. He often felt
depressed, thinking that his classes became an exhausting routine. However,
after he went a conference on contemporary literature, which he specialized in,
he has changed little by little. He realized that he had a little
misconceptions, gained easier method to give
students numerous interpretations on literature. Moreover, he was motivated to
be responsible for his students by meeting many intelligent and passionate
teachers in the same field. Naturally, he maintained a good behavior by
organizing information he gained from the conference and preparing new
materials for his classes. Many students began to show their interests in
distinct, unique, and changed his contents shown in classes, which allowed him
to feel rewarded. As a result, he was able to receive higher grade on
evaluations which he had never been given. Without chances to review his
teaching on his own through a conference, he would have fallen behind.
All things considered, I strongly
believe that the advantage of teachers taking courses to update their knowledge
far overweigh the disadvantage of doing so for several reasons I have mentioned
above. All in all, the importance of requiring teacher to participate participating courses cannot be
overestimated in pursuit of their successful teaching.
Fair (20-22)
서론 -철자 오류
첫번째 본문 -동명사말고 동사가 필요한 자리이므로 taking (동명사)-->take (동사) -participating이 주어이므로 requires (단수) -철자 오류. school -distracted, acted 앞뒤로 있으므로 procrastinated로 맞춰주세요. -문맥상 과거이므로 gained -본문이 한 개 인 것은 위험합니다. 또한, 설득력이 떨어집니다.
서론+본문1+본문2+결론 의 형태로 쓰는 거이 일반적인 토플의 틀입니다. 주장에 대한 이유 본문이 두개 이상을 나와야 글에 설득력이 생깁니다.
결론 -to 부정사는 to+동사원형
내용에 대한 이유 부족으로 설득력이 떨어집니다. 또한, 표현, 문법도 개선이 필요합니다. 철자 오류는 proofreading으로 잡아주세요. 예시 글이 너무 깁니다. 부연설명/이유와 균형 더 맞춰주세요. 또한, 보다 객관적인 예시를 쓰는 것이 글의 설득력을 높이는데에 도움이 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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