▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that people are friendly enough and they get along with each other very well. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that people in the past were friendlier than we are today. This is largely due to the fact that , thesedays, people do not have enough time to get along with each other. Another reason for my opinion is that many people prefer to play computer games and spend time on using their cell phones rather than to doing another activities that many people do together. First and foremost, people do not have enough time to get along with each other. Many people who live today are very busy due to the fact that they have lots of things to do. What I mean is that people spend lots of their time on working and studying so they have little time. Therefore, people do not talk a lot with their friends and family and they spend almost all of their leisure time on taking a rest. For instance, when I was a high_school student, from seven a.m. to 10 p.m., I spend spent all time on studying at the school so I had have trouble in making broader broadening social network. In short, because people do not have enough time to get along with each other, they are not friendly as people in the past. Moreover, people want to play games and spend time on using their cell phones. To elucidate, in the past, there was nothing to do without if it were not for playing with their friends so they played soccer or other activities with their friends. They also talk a lot with their neighbors let alone family. In contrast, some people think that people also can play with their friends and talk a lot with their family thesedays. I rebut this perspective by mentioning my experience. When I was a middle school students, after the classes, there are only a few people remained to play with each other, but a number of students went go to their home and played computer games so I have difficulty in looking for students who want to play soccer after school. (해석이 어렵습니다. 내용이 길어지고 있으니 조금 더 정리해주세요) Hence, people prefer to spend their time on using their phones and computers (마무리 문장이 아쉽습니다. 주제와 다시 한번 연결해주세요). In a nutshell, I strongly agree with the statement that people in the past were friendlier than we are today. This is because not only people have enough time to get along with each other, but also prefer to spend their time on using their phones and computers.
Score: 18 Comments: - 전체적으로 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다.
- 서론을 굉장히 잘 써주셨습니다. - 문법 실수들이 있습니다. - 제시하신 포인트가 적절하고 설명이 잘 되어있습니다. - 회색 하이라이트 된 부분 정리가 필요합니다. 이야기가 너무 길어지지 않도록 해주세요. - spend time on / spend time using 둘 중에 하나만 써주시면 됩니다.
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