▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, people's interest in university level education is are increasing. Because, as people go to companies and societies, the importance of universities are getting bigger. In this sense, people should attend university classes. -- 윗 문장이 그럼 body paragraph의 주장들인가요? Hook이 불안정하고 왜 대학교를 가야하는지에 대한 이유 제시를 하셔야 합니다. To begin with, universities can offer a high-quality education from knowledgable professors. Professors are the most intellectual people person (Professors are people who are experts in their fields) in the world since university students went through high school, and want more upper classes. Besides, companies and societies desire want university students over highschool graduates because they are receive more academical information from their professors. I will take my personal experience as an example. When I was graduated from college, I sought for a job. Most of the companies wanted students who graduated from a university graduated students from university and college. Fortunately, I graduated from college and had a chance to interview with the HQ members. Finally, I got a job and used my knowledge gained information that learned from college in my fields.
Moreover, universities and college provide can give searching occupation courses for students. Nowadays, it is hard to find a job for students who graduated from college or university right now. To solve this matter control this issue, universities and college make helpful programs for students to get getting a job. Besides, universities and college have a myriad of experiences and information about interviews and searching jobs. Students can obtain benefits from thoses that courses and learn how to getting a occupation. For instance, when I was a college student, college gave me a lot of inforamtion opportunities about job interview and the job training courses. It was easier for me so helpful to find a job and intensify my abilities. Besides, my college searched a job that suited best for me fitted on me, and taught me how to pass the exam that was required by the need for company.
To sum up, people should attend university classes because universities can offer a number of advantages. University can teach proper information and knowledge to students, and even offer job classes that are helpful for graduating students.
노란색 부분은 필요 없는 부분들입니다
Introduction을 보면 첫 두 문장은 약간 relevant 합니다. 추가로 왜 학생들은 수업을 들어야한다에 대한 이유가 없어서 체점자는 대학에 관한 관심도가 높아지기에 수업을 가야한다로 이해할 수 있습니다
University 와 College 는 같은 말입니다. 둘다 제시 할 필요 없습니다
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