▶ Your Answer : There is no doubt that parents should be the best teacher but not everyone can be the best teachers. Whether parents are the best teacher or not depends on what kind of parents they are. In other words, there are some preconditions to be the best teacher as parents. Now I will discuss (상당히 informal한 표현입니다) what kind of person is the best a goodmentor, and what kind of person is not the best mentor. Good teachers have open minds. They embrace all opinions of children (조금 어색한 표현입니다). They do not ignore their children’s personal problems even the if they are the smallest problems. For example, if their kids have a trouble with friends or they have aconcerns about what they want to be, good teachers help them to act wisely. The word “wisely” means the process of thinking and solving their problems together on their part. They can give a lot of advice as seniors in life since they have undergone variety varioussituations. Their advice is the valuable wisdom from an experience (어색한 표현입니다). Nonetheless, every parent has does not have this mindset. They can present only one viewpoint of the world. Some parents think how the worries of children can be compared to those of adults (해석이 어려운 어색한 문장입니다). In my opinion, these parents are not the best good teachers. They are just parents. In my experience, my father and mother showed a lot of bad looks behavior (어색한 표현입니다): they often argued with each other, my father only slept during the weekend, my mother often got angry with me even at minor problems. In this situation I was These situations made me psychologically alienated from them. I could not talk about my concerns. Even_though (even though로 연결이 안됩니다), I do not want to deny their love for me. I mean (informal한 표현입니다) they are just good parents, not good teachers. In conclusion, while parents are not the ideal teachers, well-rounded children will generally need a great diversity of teacher (어색한 표현입니다) in their lives in order to have a more accurate view of the world. Parents are generally the most committed of all teachers and have the greatest emotional investment in their children and their future (조금 어색한 표현입니다).
Score: 16 Comments: - 전체적으로 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 내용이 많이 아쉽습니다. "어떤 부모인지에 따라 다르다"라는 주장은 조금 위험합니다. 본인이 생각하는 자격을 다 갖췄을 때, 그래도 부모가 가장 좋은 스승인지 아닌지에 대한 입장을 써주시는 것이 좋습니다. - 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. - 대화체 느낌의 표현들이 있습니다 (I mean~). - 문법 실수들이 있습니다.
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