▶ Your Answer :
How governments invest its money is
important because it has great influence on everyone’s lives. In this regard, I
believe governments should focus on developing medical technologies rather than
on public transportation for the following reasons: first, the medical technology
has to do with human life, and second, much more people are affected by the
medical technology.
To begin with, the medical technology is
closely related with our lives. On the other hand, the public transportation is
about our convenience. Between these things, I believe the lives are much more important.(여기 문장이 이해가 안되네요. 인생이 여기서 왜 더 중요한지 설명해주셨으면 좋겠어요)
For example, it will take long time to go to workplaces if our town does not
have subways. It will be so inconvenient, but we can endure it. However, if
there are no technologies to save people from suffering, the circumstance is
much worse, and even catastrophic sometimes. In this context, I believe developing
medical technologies is more important than improving public transportation.
On top of that, the number of people affected
by development of medical technology is greater than that of people influenced
by improvement of public transportation. In my case, I live just five hundred
away from my university, so I do not use public transportation. On the other
hand, I go to the doctor when I have a cold, or go to dentist to treat my
cavities. Likewise, all people have to go to the doctor sometimes. It means that the
development of medical technology affects almost everyone in the town. Therefore,
governments should focus on developing medical technologies rather than on
improving public transportation.
In brief, not only are the medical technologies
closely related to humans’ lives, but also much more people are affected by the
development of the technologies than the improvement of public transportation.
Therefore, I strongly believe governments should invest in developing medical
technologies rather than improving public transportation.
예상점수: 26~29 총평: 글을 짜임새 있게 잘쓰셨지만 문법적인 오류가 몇개 존재하구 또 애매하게 쓰신 문장이 꽤 되네요. 이러한 부분을 잘 유의하셔서 글을 쓰시면 더 높은 점수를 획득하실 수 있을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다. |