▶ Your Answer :
People’s intellectual, social and personal
development is highly influenced by their co-workers. With this understanding,
I believe that working business with your family is better than working with
unknown people. This is because working business with family enables people to
relieve stress, and the experience of working business with family makes people
to enjoy a better quality of life in terms of job opportunities.
Firstly,
working with family makes people to relieve stress. Understanding the daily
environment of the people and the potential role of the working with family is
necessary to substantiate this view. For instance, many people have to
patiently sit through traffic to get to work. Once they are at home, they have to
endure countless documents and read more even at home. Such an exhausting their
daily routine repeats itself and eventually wears down people. As a way to
manage ing the ensuing stress, people can patiently talk to their families about their
own problems. Even if it is only for a short time, this frees their minds from the
intense mental pressure from works. In addition, people can easily take a rest
during their spare time comparing to the working environment with unknown
people. In this regard, I argue that working with family allows people to
relieve stress.
Secondly,
working with family makes people makes people to enjoy a better quality of life
in terms of job hunting. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South
Korea published an article in “The Korean Herald” last Tuesday which claims
that the experience of working business with their family enables people to strengthen
their competitiveness in society. The article argues that the 83 percent of 200
Korean leading recruiters prefer people who have experience of doing business
with their family. The recruiters show a such tendency because they tend to be
more responsible. This is because they learned a sense of responsibility during
working period with their family. In the long run, a sense of responsibility
enhances work performance. The reason is that people who have a sense of
responsibility continuously endeavor to avoid working mistake since they do not
want to disappoint their bosses, which results in job promotion and ultimately
help people to enjoy a better quality of life in terms of working environment.
I thought of this report because the results of the survey resonated with my
thoughts.
To
sum up, I believe that it is better for people to work business with family
rather than working business with unknown people for the subsequent reasons.
Working business with family makes people to relieve stress and it is be helpful
in their job hunting by the experience of working with family. Consequently, the
importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned
above.
Good (24–30) 첫번째 본문 -to 부정사에서 to+동사원형
결론 -to 뒤에 병렬로 relieve와 be가 걸립니다. 따라서, 사람들로 하여금 스트레스를 풀고, 잡헌팅에 도움이 되게 한다로 뜻이 됩니다. 사람들이 도움이 된다는 뜻입니다. 그런데 working business with family가 도움이 된다로 내용이 가야 하므로, and 뒤에 it is로 it-->working business with family 로 써주셔야 내용에 혼동이 없습니다.
내용 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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