▶ Your Answer : In this highly competitive society, some people might think that parents should spend their time doing schoolwork with their children to help them get a good grade in school. However, in my opinion, parents would be better off having a good time with children playing sports and games for two reasons. First, it would help children relieve stress. Second, it would raise intimacy between parents and children.
To begin with, children can get rid of their stress while playing with their parents. Today's society is a really competitive place where harsh competition for entering prestigious universities and securing a good job occurs. Less intensive subjects such as art, physical education, and music are ignored and rather most children nowadays are forced to memorize figures and charts sitting on the chair listening to the teacher. Therefore, it would be better for children to play with their parents at home to relieve stress they got from school. This would given them a perfect opportunity to recharge their batteries and get refreshed again. According to a experiment done by an education department in Korea University, children who took an enough rest after studying got better grade on memory tests than children who kept studying without relieving their stress. (Emphasize the rest with parents, especially play with them) This experiment emphasizes the importance of taking enough rest for children. Therefore, having a fun with their parents while playing games and sports is better for children.
On top of that, devoting more time to playing with children enables parents to raise intimacy with their children. Playing games and sports involves active physical activity and verbal communication. It is obvious that playing baseball provides a higher opportunity to have physical contact and conversation than sitting in front of a desk doing schoolwork. Let me give my personal experience to support the importance of playing for improving intimacy. Everytime Whenever I am thinking of my parents, I feel cozy and comfortable. This immediate reaction proves that I have a high intimacy with my parents. When I was a child, my father, who worked at school as a physical education teacher, taught me how to play baseball, soccer, volley ball, and so on. Me and my five other sisters and brothers I played sports with parents and five siblings. This memory remains as the happiest moment to me.
In conclusion, if i had to make a choice, I can firmly say that parents should spend a lot of time with their children to relieve children's stress and raise intimacy. The importance of my assertion couldn't be underestimated for two reasons I've mentioned above. 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 | Score | Good 20-24 | - 첫 번째 예시에서 enough rest로만 마무리 지으셨는데, parents와 함께 여가를 즐겼다는 점을 강조해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
- 두 가지 thesis와 statement 모두 coherence가 높은 편이고, 어휘도 좋은 편입니다. 다만스펠링 에러에 유의해주셔야 할 것 같아요.
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