▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that getting along with friends who are similar to them is better, and it is undeniable that people can avoid being stressed when they are with those who are similar to them. However, I believe that it is better to have friends who are different from me than those who are similar to me. In the following paragraphs, I will explain why I think this way in detail. - 내용은 양호하나 주제에서 사용된 단어 대부분을 그대로 사용하는 대신 paraphrase해 주세요. To begin with, having friends who are different from me enables me to be more competitive in the job market. Today’s people are having trouble getting profitable and rewarding jobs because such jobs are rare and competition is so intense. Therefore, it is essential for today’s people to be relatively competitive from employers’ perspectives. Considering this, I can benefit from having friends who are different from me a lot. This is due to the fact that people having various friends who have different cultural backgrounds or opinions are considered to be more sociable and creative by employers; recruiters prefer social and creative workers to join the company. A survey conducted by Tokyo University shows that this is true. According to the survey, 78% of the CEOs of the top 150 Japanese companies considered as the best places to work answered that they believed people felt that they became sociable and creative because they were able to interact with various people. In addition, they mentioned that they believed such characteristics helped people enhance work performance in the long run, so they preferred those who has different backgrounds from one another.
On top of that, having friends who are different from me helps me live a happier life. According to a study conducted by Seoul University, the proportion of people saying they are living happy lives has decreased since 2000. There are a variety of theories trying to explain what brings this change. However, narrow perspectives, causing steadily reduced opportunities to communicate with those who have different opinions, have had negative impacts on overall happiness. Considering this, having friends who are not similar to me is a great way to enhance happiness. This is attributed to the fact that this gives me a lot of chances to shift perspectives so that I can broaden my perspectives. A study that followed after the study I mentioned above demonstrates this is true. (어디에서 진행된 리서치인지 구체적으로 명시해주세요) Researchers performed the follow-up study with the people who said they were not living happy lives. They were required to make friends who had different opinions or backgrounds from them. After a year, researchers asked them how they got feel and what made this change. They answered that they became happier and this was because they were able to understand that there were different ways of life by interacting with friends who are different from them.
To sum up, I can benefit from having friends who are different from me because this enables me to have competitive advantages in the job market and live a happier life. In this regard, I firmly believe that having friends who are different from me is more beneficial for me than having friends who are similar to me.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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