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There are two types of people about seeking
advice from the others. Some people prefer to ask older people for advise,
others prefer to ask advice from people who is same age. However, when it comes
to the statement that getting advice from older friend would be more valuable
than asking for help from friends your own won age, I certainly disagree. There are
two reasons why I feel this way.
First of all, I believe that asking advice
from same age is far better than from older friend, because friend who is on
same age would understand me better. Friends who is much older than us lived
different lives with us in terms of norms, society, politics, paradigm and etc.
For example, Ssome older friends still does not doesn't understand why people use social
media in spite of many downsides of social media. This is because, only a few
years ago, when they were on our age, there was no smart phone, social media
and etc. So, if I ask problem on social media relationship to my older friend,
he might not suggests a good solution, because he does not don't understand social
media. However, friends who is on same age as me can understand my situation
and suggest possible solutions to my problem.
On top of that, I think that asking help to
friend who is on same age is better because it is less uncomfortable than
asking older friends. As you know, in Asia country, younger people have to
treats older people very politely. It is very intrigue and hard to be being
polite to someone when we have a deep conversation, especially when we seek
advice from others. For example, I once tried to ask some advice about my
sexual life with my girl friend from my older friend who is about 5 years older
than me. I found that it was very complicated topic to ask some advice from
others and also Iit was very hard for me to ask sexual problems with older
people because I thought that he might consider me as impolite person.
To summarize y, asking helps from older people
seems not as good as to ask young people because older people cannot can't understand
well than people of same age. Moreover, asking help from older people might
be very hard because younger people have to be very polite, especially in Asian
country. For those reasons I disagree with the idea that it is better to ask
advice from older people than young people.
Fair (22-23)
서론
-철자 오류
첫번째 본문
-대소문자 오류
-축약형 지양해주세요. doesn't-->does not
-축약형 지양/수일치
두번째 본문
-연두색 intrigue 어떤 의도로 쓰신것인지 모르겠습니다. 원하시는 의미대로 다른 단어로 바꿔주세요.
-복잡한 complicated
-예시가 이해하기 어렵습니다. 왜 impolite하게 비춰질 수 있고 그것이 어떤 좋지 않은 영향을 가져오는지에 대한 내용이 없습니다. 더 구체적인 설명 해주세요.
결론
-to summarize, in summary 외워주세요.
-축약형 지양
-조동사 might 뒤에 동사 없으므로 be 넣어주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~