▶ Your Answer :Some people think that there is no better achievement for teachers than being professional in their field. However, in my opinion, it is more beneficial to have connection with their students considering the fact the relationship can enhance students' social network and the fact that the bond between teachers and students helps students study more.
To begin with, in order to broaden students' human relationship, it is crucial to have a deep bond between teachers and students since their social network will be wider based on this relationship. To be specific, the meaning of success has completely changed. In the past, it was is merely focusing on one's own way to excel others, but now it is totally different. Along with your own ability, it is important to have people who can lend you a hand when you are in trouble. In this sense, widening human network is of big help. For instance, there was a poll conducted by the Board of Education, with 200 high school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to understand the consensus view about how they can be successful. An overwhelming 73% responded that human network is the most significant key to success and it usually comes from relation with their teachers. This survey demonstrated that the role of teachers is really pivotal in terms of relation to their students.
On top of that, teachers can encourage students to study and it makes them be more knowledgeable. Since students tend to follow teachers who get along with them, it has great impact on their school performances. Also, it is required for people to have knowledge in this society. A person with sufficient knowledge is regarded as 'a person people of intellect' while others who lack knowledge is simply ignored. For instance, when I was in high school, I used to be familiar with my teachers. I really liked playing soccer or f basketball with them. Since I enjoyed my time with teachers, I even liked learning form them and put emphasis on study as well. It made my grade much higher. Come to think of it, the relation between me and teachers had significant effect on my school performance.
To sum up, taking broadening human network and being more knowledgeable into consideration, we cannot deny the importance of bond with students and teachers. In this regard, teachers should spend time with their students rather than developing their field.
Good (26–30) 첫번째 본문 -문맥상 과거이므로 is-->was -대조되는 등위접속사 필요합니다. , 로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. 따라서 but 추가해주세요. -수일치
두번째 본문 -수일치
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