▶ Your Answer : The most important period in a person's life is one's twenties. I agree to this statement I definitely agree to the statement which asserts the most important period in a person's life is one's twenties. Our 20's are the defining decade of adulthood, because you get to choose your life long career and your life partner.
First, it is the time to choose one's career this which is extremely important because they might make big mistakes that can affect their entire lives. The only mistake not worth making that is not worth to make is doing something that is a placeholder, or that they are aware is killing time, that this doesn't matter (이 부분은 무슨 뜻인가요 정확한 설명이 필요한 거 같아요 어떠한 말인지 이해가 안갑니다). If those are the words they are saying to themselves, that's probably a mistake. Because the time that they are wasting are preciuos precious because they are losing the time to select the job they would have to do for the next 80 tears or so. Another mistake would be spending too much time on something when it becomes clear that it isn't the thing you want to do. This affects a person's determination to do something. If a persons doesn't want to do something then they get slower doing it. 일단 지적하고 싶은 것은 문장들이 어떠한 말을 하려고 하는 지 모르겠어요. 확실하게 뚜렷하게 어떠한 말을 하려고 하는지 설명이 필요한 거 같습니다. 이해가 안되기 때문에 전체적인 플로우가 방해를 받고 있습니다. Second, it is the time when they choose their life partner because it is the moment where people shine the most. People are at their peak. When our parents were in the 20s they were engaged and had some idea on what to do. They had a ring on their fingers and had an idea of who of whom they were. Humans are a social being. They need other people they love to be with them or else when something major happens to a person, they will crumble without anyone next to them to encourage and root for them. Because people cannot live without any loved ones it is essential for people to not miss not to miss the 20s which is the most likely time for people to choose and spend the rest of their lives with their life partner. The most important period in a person's life is one's twenties. Because first, it is a time for people to decide their career and second, it is a time for people to choose their life partner. That is why I agree to the statement ‘The most important period in a person's life is one's twenties.’ Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 20대의 중요성에 대해서는 잘 풀어나갔습니다. 첫 번째 바디나 두 번째 바디까지. 중요성을 잘 풀어나갔고 본인의 이유까지 잘 나왔습니다. 하지만 가장 문제가 되는 것이 문법적 부분입니다. 일단 문제가 되는 것은 제가 에세이를 읽어 나갈 때 문장이 이상하거나 어떠한 말을 하려고 하는지 이해가 안되는 곳들 이 많았습니다. 바디마다 무슨 말을 하려고 했었던 건지 설명이 필요할 거 같아요. 수고많으셨습니다. |