▶ Your Answer : While some people might argue that it is more beneficial for people to work quickly, others deem otherwise. From my perspective, I am strongly in agreement with in this statement because of the following two reasons. The first reason is less possibility of making mistakes. The second reason is psychological stability. To begin with, by working slowly, people can decrease the possibility of making mistakes. It means that people are able to carry out workings with higher completeness. If people conduct task swiftly, mistakes would be increased. Thus, they would take a time for refining the mistakes. Eventually, wWorking time would be the same as the time when people work slowly. When I was in the middle school, I had to do homework, investigation of Korean history. I extremely wanted to finish the homework early to hang around with my friends;, therefore, I submitted homework which was accomplished for only an hour to my teacher. After that, the teacher was really upset to me because of a myriad of mistakes on my homework. In the long run, I had to do the should have done homework again. As a result, I definitely realized the importance of working slowly and perfectly, even if I was confident of the given subject. On top of that, working slowly is more likely for people to reduce the probability of having relieve their negative feeling and get stressed out. Although it is true that swift working makes tension which is helpful for people to conduct work quickly, it surges the possibility of getting stressed and nervous. There are statistic conducted by University of California. The statistic suggested that two cases for indicating the differences between people who worked within limited time and people who worked without limited time. The result showed that people who worked within limited time were more likely to decline the ability to deal with and conduct clearly given works. In contrast, people who worked without deadlines had more possibility to deal with and conduct given work clearly because they were less stressed about the given task. From this statistic, the result definitely rebuts the opinion that swift working is able to make benefits that is decent to conduct works. To conclude, this subject will always be controversial, and I believe that I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with two concrete reasons and evidence stated above. Therefore, I obviously assert that working slowly is much more beneficial than working quickly.
Good (24) 서론 -in agreement with 형태입니다.
첫번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 -중간에서, 특정한 중학교를 지칭하는 것이 아니라 내가 중학교 때, 이런 뜻이므로 the 빼주세요. -끝에서 세번째 줄에서, I should have done은 ~했었어야 했는데 결국 못했다는 의미입니다. 따라서, ~했었어야 했다고 단순하게 표현되도록 바꿔써주세요.
두번째 본문 -단순히 relieve feeling은 꼭 나쁜 감정을 누그러뜨려준다를 내포하지 않습니다. 구체적으로 써주야합니다. -스트레스를 받는다는 stressed out -끝에서 세번째 줄에서, 예시에서, 왜 다른 결과가 나왔는지 본인의 주장과 토픽과 연결시켜 강조하는 연습해주세요. 예시를 쓴 목적을 더 뚜렷히 해주고 글의 설득력을 높여줍니다. -수 일치
결론 -문장 두개 , 로 이을 수 없습니다. and 추가해주세요.
이유들 괜찮습니다. 표현/디테일한 부분에서 보충/개선 해주시면 더 좋은 본문들이 될 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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