▶ Your Answer :
Students’ intellectual, social and personal development is highly
influenced by their experience of participating in making their own decisions.
With this understanding, I believe that it is important for students to
participate when the school makes decisions, such as where to go and what sort
of activities to do on field trips for two essential reasons. This is because
participating when the school make decisions enables students to relieve stress
and enjoy a better quality of life for later years in society.
To begin with, participating when the school make decisions about
school activities provides an effective outlet for students to relieve stress.
Understanding the daily environment of students and the potential role of making
decisions about students’ own activities (Bit awkward) is necessary to substantiate this
view. Every morning, once students are at school, they have to endure countless
textbooks and continue to read more even at home. Such an exhausting routine
repeats itself and eventually wears down students. Thus, the school should
provides students to make decisions about school activities such as field trips
their own. This is because if the faculty makes all decisions, students would
think that they are deprived of their opportunities to decide their school
activities. As a way to managing the ensuing stress, students can select their
favorite places to go and decide what kind of activities to do. Even if it is
hard for students to make decisions, this frees their minds from the intense
mental pressure from school. In this regard, I learned that participating when
the school makes decisions about school activities provides an effective outlet
for students to relieve stress.
On top of that, participating when the school makes decisions about students’
activities enables students to ultimately enjoy a better quality of life.
Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article
in “The Korean Herald” last Tuesday that the experience of making decisions
during one’s childhood enables students to strengthen competitiveness for later
years in society. The article claims that 62 percent of 200 Korean leading
recruiters prefer people who had the experience of participating when the
school made decisions. Recruiters show such a tendency because they tend to be
more creative and analytical. In the long run, creativity and critical thinking
enhance work performance. This not only results in job promotions but also
encourages students to ultimately enjoy a better quality of life for later
years.
To
sum up, I believe that it is important for students to participate when the
school makes decisions, such as where to go and what sort of activities to do
on field trips for the following reasons: to relieve stress and enjoy a better
quality of school life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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2
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2
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Score
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Fair 17-19
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- participating when school~ 부분 적절한 패러프레이즈가 필요합니다.
- 구성이 다소 모호하고 장황한 편입니다. - 두 번째 단락의 이유는 예시가 논지를 적절히 뒷받침하지 못하고 있어요. - 템플릿 사용이 많은 편이에요.
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