▶ Your Answer : Managing how students spend their time is crucial in shaping their lives. With this understanding I believe that it is important for students to spend time at least one year working. This is because it enables students to broaden interpersonal skills and enjoy a better quality of life. Firstly, piling up experience in workplaces before they tap into the real job world helps students to broaden their interpersonal skills. Understanding the relationship between social ability and the potential role of experience of working is necesary to substantiate this view. I engaged in various academic studies in university and graduate school years. In addtion to my major, I had taken various internships. This was extremely useful in building interpersonal skills for later years in society. In one situation, I joyfully continued talking with my client who was working at s a financial firm in a leading corporation at that time. As I had an experience of internship in a financial firm, a common topic easily created between me and the client. Also, my colleagues were pleased to listen to my opinions whenever they had minor problems on their assets. In this regard, it is crucial for students to spend time working for their future. Second, alloting time at least one year working enables students to enjoy a better quality of life. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea recently published an article which claims that working experience allows students to strengthen social competitiveness. According to the article, 62 percent of 200 leading recruiters in South Korea prefer people who have experience of internships. They show such tendency because they tend to be more skilled and flexible. In the long-run, skillful work processes and dexterity increase work performance. This is because the experience of internships enables people to become more familar and skip unnecessary processes in workplaces as they have already encountered similar tasks and problems. This not only results in job promotions but also encourages people to ultimately enjoy a better quality of life. To conclude, I believe that spending at least one year working is important for students for the following reasons; broaden interpersonal skills and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my views cannot be underestimated due to the reasons I have mentioned.
Good (26–30) 첫번째 본문 -as-->at 철자 오류
두번째 본문 -allow-->allows 수 일치 -encourage-->encourages 수 일치 두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 자잘한 실수들 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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