▶ Your Answer :
There
might be some people who believe that the average young people just should
decide a career to have in the long term without experiences. However, I
personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. Trying several
different jobs help save time and is a good way to finding suitable future
careers.
Time
can be reduced from trying several different jobs. To be specific, people who
are is senior students in university and college want to locate in their field
quickly because searching for future careers makes them spend lots of money and
time, which sometimes, have negative effect on students’ ability due to the
decrease of self-confidence. However, by trying several different jobs, they
can avoid making bad choices for their future careers, which means that they
find their suitable job and rarely obtain unexpected opportunities being
hiring. For instance, most successful leaders mentioned that they could can find
their current job by accumulation of experiences from many different fields. At
the same time, they could reduce wasting time that comes from making bad choices for
their future careers. Thus, trying several different jobs helps avoiding
wasting time in terms of choosing careers.
A
good way to finding suitable future careers can be given by trying many jobs.
By trying diverse jobs, students are exposed to various kind of knowledge. Wwith
this knowledge, they can discover their interest and talent, which can be
beneficial when they look for a new career path or they work in their fields.
According to a recent survey done by TOR employ organization, 84% of
respondents mentioned that they could find their interest through various job
experiences, so they could find their current jobs. Furthermore, they added
that a variety of experience were a good advantage by representing having
diverse experience when they went for a job interview. As a result, trying
diverse different jobs means finding suitable careers.
In
conclusion, trying several different jobs not only saves time related to
searching for future careers, but also represents a good method of finding
interesting fields. Thus, most students should try a number of different jobs.
Good (24) 서론 -disagree with
첫번째 본문 -수일치 -university college 비슷한 의미이므로 하나로 충분합니다. -문맥상 과거이므로 can-->could -~의 축적이므로 ~의 에 해당하는 of 추가 -time에 대한 설명이므로 that으로 받아주시면 더 자연스러운 표현이 됩니다. 두번째 본문 -대소문자 오류
결론 -~의 방법--of 추가
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법 실수/표현 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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