▶ Your Answer : It is controversial whether improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. Some
people might argue that education is the most important factor meanwhile whereas some
people will consider infrastructure, politicians, or some other thing as the
most important factor other factors such as infrastructure and politician as the most important factor in our society. I definitely agree that improving schools is the most crucial
factor. One reason is that it is the best investment for the future. Another
reason is that in order to make people civilized, an education of a good quality is the key.
First, fine education a good education is the best investment for
the future which will lead to a successful development of a country in order to make our society more successful. Even if
one person has much talent, that talent cannot be properly expressed or used,
if when he does not get a proper education. For example, I once read a bibliography
of a person who had a marvelous talent in calculating money and managing
companies since a person was young. But he did not have a chance to use that talent as he
was illiterate. Neither his surroundings nor the government provided him any
kind of proper education. This case shows that it can be a real tragedy when
lack of education limits people from showing their potential abilities. By
considering fine education as the key factor in the successful development of a
country, more people with potential abilities could actually utilize such
abilities. 논리적으로 잘 풀어서 서술하였습니다 하지만 필요한 문장이 서술 되어야 할 거 같습니다. 이러한 환경을 제공하기 위해서는 정부가 어떠한 방법으로 도움을 줘야하는 지에 대하여 서술하면 좀 더 예시의 풍부함을 더 할 거 같습니다.
Secondly, education makes people civilized
and civilized people make a country developed which will bring about development of a country. This means that there are is a
number of standards to meet in order to consider a country ‘successfully
developed’ and one major standard is whether citizens of that country are
civilized or not. the successful development of a country which is the level of literacy. According to a research done by the University of Seoul, 90
percent of students answered that students consider fine education as the most
important factor when deciding a person as cultivated or civilized. Moreover,
most of these students also said that the more citizens are civilized, the more
students feel like their country had developed successfully. This shows that
how much people are cultivated matter when deciding a successful country. 논리적으로 서술하였습니다. 하지만 cultivated한 부분이 어떠한 부분에서 발전이 되어야 하고 그러기 위해서는 에세이 주제처럼 학교 발전에 힘을 실어야 한다라는 설명이 필요할 거 같습니다. 사람들을 더 많이 교육시켜서 전체적인 경제 성장률을 키워야 한다라는 식에 설명이 필요할 거 같습니다.
To conclude, improving schools is the most important
factor in the successful development of country. One is because it is the best
future investment and another is because education makes people cultivated. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 첫 번째 바디나 두 번째 바디나 본인의 이유와 예시를 가지고 학교 발전에 대한 연관성을 더 집중적으로 서술하셨으 면 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 상황이고 사람들이 배워야 한다라는 식으로 풀어나갔는 것은 좋았는데. 학교가 발전 됨에 따라 사회에 어떠한 영향을 키치고 왜 이러한 이유들이 경제 성장을 위해서는 학교를 발전해야하는지 설명을 더 하시는게 점수를 높게 받는데에 있어서는 좋은 작용을 할 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
|