▶ Your Answer :
When the government attempts to increase energy charge rise,
most people go against strongly. Some people might say there are other ways another way to
conserve energy. However, in my opinion, I argue that increasing price is the
only and the best way to encourage people to save energy. There are two reasons
why I think like that, and I will explain those reasons in my essay.
First of all, the most concern of people
probably is saving saves their money. They always make an effort to make stable household economy.
Therefore, if the government increases the charge of energy, people will change
their trivial habits to decrease energy used. There is are one research conducted
by Seoul National University in 2014 which firmly supports this argument maintain. According
to the study, when the government raised the gasoline price, many people changed
their driving habits. For example, more people walked round short distance or of
used public transportation, and surprisingly, gasoline consumption e lessened almost
four percent comparing with previous year. In this regard, increasing energy
price can change people’s habits and that must be helpful to save energy.
Secondly,
majority consumption of energy is used by manufacturing companies. The first
duty of companies is making a profit. Obviously, the companies strongly concern
about the energy use cost. Higher energy prices mean higher production costs.
Thus, companies agonize how to diminish their energy consumption, and they will
find the best method for energy-efficient ways. For example, when the government
raised electricity cost, one factory remodeled ing for higher energy efficiency to
deal with the cost rise rise cost. Understandably, they can save a lot of money, also,
that must be a great help to nation’s electricity used.
To
sum up, if government increases the prices of gasoline and electricity, it will
must be helpful for energy conservation for two reasons; people will try to change
their habits to for save money, and companies also concern about how to decrease
energy use. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the above statement.
Fair (17-23)
서론 -charge rise 어색한 표현입니다. attempts to increase energy charge 가 더 자연스럽습니다. -go against -복수이므로 another way-->other ways
첫번째 본문 -concern 이 주어인데, 동사가 saves면 concern이 saves하는 의미가 되므로 어색합니다. is saving 으로 쓰는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. -make an effort 구문 -one research 이므로 are-->is -maintain? argument -그냥 walked라고 쓰셔도 무방합니다. -of-->or -gasoline consumption 명사형으로 써주세요. -문맥상 과거이므로 lessen-->lessened
두번째 본문 -agonize 왜 쓰셨는지 이해하기 어렵습니다. -문맥상 과거이므로 remodeled 과거로 써주세요. -rise cost 보다는 cost rise가 더 자연스러운 표현입니다.
결론 -government가 주어인데 단수이므로 increase-->increases -be helpful -to save가 더 적절합니다.
내용은 두 본문 다 괜찮습니다. 문법 오류 많습니다. 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |