▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, lessons in school play a
significant role in students' daily life. Some people think that students
should study many lessons during a semester, while other do not. Both sides may
have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would
say that less class is better than many lessons for students. There are several
reasons as follows.
To begin with, having a three or four
lessons allows students to make friends. This is because they can have enough
time to meet different people and make new friends. When they have fewer lessons
in class, they realized that it brings about a good result (어던 좋은 결과를 가져오나요? 구체적인 설명이 필요합니다). For example, when my
sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life
became an exhausting routine. It was difficult to make new friends she could
rely on, since all of them seemed busy and indifferent to other, treating each
other as rivals. Fortunately, she was able to get over her feeling loneliness
by reducing her class from ten class to three class during a semester and
spending more time with friends. She was able to seek for advice and obtain
words of comfort by spending more time with other. This was because she could
meet many friends and get to know them instead of studying many lessons in
school. Without the fewer class, she would not have been able to make lots of
friends and relieve her stress. (수업을 적개 듣는 것과 친구들이 많아 지는 것에 대한 연관성이 좀 부족해 보입니다 좀 더 섥득력있는 설명들이 필요할 거 같아요)
In addition, taking several lessons help
students to improve their sense of perspective. They can enjoy diverse
activities with people from different backgrounds rather than studying many lessons
in school. For example, when I was a senior in university, I had only four
lessons in school. So I could enjoy diverse and useful activities such as science
and music and dance. It was helpful to enhance my information and knowledge
about many subjects more easily. In particular, I could learn economy and other
countries' culture through outdoor club. (어떠한 것을 배웠는지에 대한 구체적인 설명이 필요할 거 같아요)
In To conclude, taking fewer lessons enable
student to make lots friends and to enhance their perspective using meaningful
time. So students should study three or four lessons and utilize diverse activities.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 가장 큰 문제는 전반적으로 설명이 빈약합니다. 각 바디 마다 구체적인 설명없이 장황하게 서술해 나간 거 같습니다. 좀 더 명확하고 연관성을 이어주는 구체적인 설명이 필요할 거 같습니다. 또한 약간의 문법적 오류들도 있습니다. 수고하셨습니다.
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