▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might say that taking risks or trying new things is not better for young’s
than it is for old people young people. However, in my opinion, I think there are more advantages
for young people to take risks and try new things than old people. There are
two major reasons why I think this way. Elders have more things to loose than
young generation in case of their failure. In addition, young person needs to
acquire know-how from their failure in order to success. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin
with. elders got more things to give up when they take risks. Which often
involves money involving money. However, young people do not have much things than elders and
it makes them easier to take adventure to take adventures. To be specific, there was a poll
conducted by Korean board of business. The purpose of the poll was to understand
different view about starting their own business in various ages. An overwhelming
85% of 20s~30s had shown positive thinking about starting business while 80% of
40s~50s answered negatively about the question. The reason why people in age of
40~59 selected it was because they were worried about things they are going to
lose when they have failed. are failed
On
top of that, unlike olds, youngs should acquire knowledge from failure. There
is a saying that “Failure is but a stepping stone to success”. They need to
take risks and try something new in order to be prepared for the mysterious future.
By doing so, they will be able to success. can succeed I have my father’s story as an
example, who is For example, my father is a successful CEO of a company. After he graduate graduated university, unlike
others, he choose to start his own business instead of being employee of big
companies. In the beginning, He struggled a lot because he was always facing
threat and unknown things and he failed quite much. However, After few failure
he was able to make his business successful because he learned lots of lessons
from that failure. He says that “without those failures, it would not have been
possible for me to become a successful CEO”.
To
sum up, not only the fact that it is hard for elders to take risks and adventures
than growing generation but also that young should learn lessons from failure. In
this regard, I firmly believe that the young should never hesitate to try something
new,.
Good: 24~30 점수; 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 적절한 예시 사용과 구체적인 설명들이 에세이로 하여금 설득력을 많이 높여주는 거 같습니다. 또한 간결하게 서술하여서 자신의 의견이 무엇인지를 잘 표현 하고 있는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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