▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that information from magazines and reviews
from online communities are good sources and recommendation from friends are
not. However, I disagree with them for two reasons. First, information from photo
books and websites are not reliable. Second, suggestions from close friends are
not only reliable but also likely to fit your appetite. 설명이 부족한 독립형 에세이 인트로입니다. 좀 더 주제에 대해서 설명하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다.
To begin with, sources from online or commercial papers are hard to
believe. In these days, companies are aware of the power of marketing through
online and magazines. Not surprisingly they pay money for reviewers such as
youtuber, Instagram stars for most of the reviews. As a result, the feedback
become less reliant. For example, there was a research conducted by Fair Trade
Commission. The purpose of the research was to figure out how credible the reviews
in online were, They researched about 1,000 reviews on network and what they
found was intriguing. An overwhelming 80% of those feedback were payed from
the seller and even 40% of them didn’t even used the product to wrote write down such
things. This research reveals that written works in online are not trustworthy,
especially for a major purchase.
On top
of that, recommendation from friends, on the other hand, often seems to have satisfying
results. People tends to become a friends tend to become friends with someone when their interests and
values are similar. As a results, the product that made your friend happy are
more likely to fit to you either. For
instance, I care a lot about my skincare and so does my friend. When I was in army,
I was worrying about my skin because it was losing its vivacity. One day, Friend
called me and told me that she found perfect essence best in her entirely life.
She said to me “you should try it” and I immediately bought that cosmetic goods.
Just like she said, it was the best essence ever. Thanks to her suggestion, I was
able to solve the problem with my skin.
To
sum up, data on internet and commercial books are not that reliable and it often
comes with a satisfying results when you listen to your friends. In this
regard, I firmly believe that recommendation by a friends has greatest impact
on serious purchase decision.
Good: 24~30 점수: 24 너무 구어체 스러운 독립형 에세이입니다. 이 에세이에서 큰 문제점은 you를 서술한 것 입니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하시면 안됩니다. 이인칭 주어로 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 삼인칭 주어로 에세이를 서술하는 것이 더 좋습니다. 또한 두 번째 단락 예시는 너무 개인적입니다. 개인적인 예시가 좋긴 하지만 대부분에 경우에는 좀 더 사회적인 것을 서술하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
|