▶ Your Answer :
It is debated whether all school teachers should be required to take the course in every four years to update their knowledge. Some people argue that school teachers should not be needed to update their knowledge. However, in my opinion, this perspective is not true for two following reasons which I am going to elaborate. I support that they have to take a course in every four years to update their knowledge for their student. (이미 밑에서 다 설명을 할 것이기 때문에 굳이 장황하게 설명할 필요가 없습니다)
First of all, all school teachers take a course in every four years because updating their knowledge accompanies an educational process either their students. In detail, updating school teachers’ knowledge creates to teach a lot of something, which as a result allows people to obtain valuable information, stay ahead, and attain personal growth qualities to teach a lot of something. People need to be educated throughout their lives because education is the most powerful weapon that they can use to change the world.to change the world Knowledge is important to have broad range of knowledge to excel in today’s society. For example, a survey was conducted by UCLA’s research department. The survey participants were asked if they agree with the idea that all school teachers take a course in every four years because updating their knowledge accompanies an educational process either their students. The result showed that 79 percent of the participants answered that they are in favor of this idea. Further, their opinion was supported with logical reasons. This survey confirms my viewpoint.
In addition, updating all school teachers’ knowledge enables their students to gain new experience through school teachers. To be specific, all school teachers take a course in every four years to update their knowledge, which as a result allows their students to better understand other cultures, lifestyles, and perspective. Students attain wider knowledge and broader perspective through their teachers’ experience. Students will always learn something from experience, even if it seems unenjoyable or difficult. Take Warren Buffett, for instance. He is a globally recognized CEO and an investor. Listed among Time’s 100 most influential people, Buffett mentioned in an interview that learning diverse knowledge from school teachers’ experience shape him into a successful business person. Such comment sounds highly convincing since he is a well-known man of success.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that all school teachers have to take a course in every four years to update their knowledge for their student. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 불필요한 설명이 너무 많습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 꼭 필요한 것은 간결함입니다. 간결함이 필요한 이유는 자신이 하려는 설명이 남이 이해해야하기 때문에 간결하게 서술해야하는 것 입니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에는 장황하게 서술되었다라는 느낌이 너무 큽니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 의견을 설명하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |