▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past in comparison to the past. In general, the consensus view seems to be that parents in the past are more involved in their kid’s education. In my opinion, however, I firmly believe that parents nowadays get more involved in their kid’s education for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, the involvement of parents is beneficial to their children because it helps children to be safe and educational. To be specific, today’s societies have a great deal of obstacles such as sexual information on the Internet or Television. Thus, today’s parents should protect their kids from the impure media since current children can be exposed to a wide array of media. For example, when I was an elementary school student, I used to search for information that I need through the Internet. However, since there is ample sexual information, I was confused and could not focus on my works not focusing on my work. Instead of me, my mother surfed the Internet and gave me organized information. With the help of my mother, I was able to finish my assignment safely. could finish my assignments safely.
In addition, modern education provides children with specialized knowledge endlessly. Although today’s societies encourage children to be specialized and potential, it is difficult for young children to utilize such education appropriately. To be specific, as today’s societies have increasingly become developed and specialized, using cutting-edge devices is difficult for young children. However, with the help of parents, today’s children can acquire a variety of information readily. For instance, there is a poll conducted by Johns Hopkins University with 300 current parents who have young children. The purpose of the survey is to understand the consensus view about the importance of parents’ role in terms of their education. The majority of respondents replied that parents should provide children with updated information by encouraging their kids. An overwhelming 83 percent admitted that it is not easy for kids to optimize the cutting-edge devices that can give valuable information.
In conclusion, taking the protection against impure information and the difficulty of specialized devices into consideration, I firmly believe that modern parents are more involved in their children’s education.
점수: 27 약간의 불필요한 부연 설명들이 있습니다. 이러한 부연설명들은 에세이로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 따라서 이러한 부분을 주의하면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 약간의 불필요한 부연설명 이외에는 전반적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 보여주고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명을 통하여서 왜 현재 상태가 부모님이 아이에게 교육적으로 더 잘 해주는 지를 구체적으로 설명하는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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