▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether children should have art and music as mandatory school subjects along with math, history, science, and language. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different the individual perspectives depending on the individual perspective. In my opinion, however, art and music should mandatory school subjects for the following reasons. become mandatory subjects for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, there are a lot of benefits because it helps relieve stress people can relieve stress. To be specific, listening to music creates opportunities for children to enjoy their life, which as a result makes them better manage stress, and build a quality life. Stress is the main cause of disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, people in modern society should find ways to reduce stress. For example, when I was 13 years old, I have trouble solving math assignments. music class offers me to forget about stressful aspects of my daily life such as studying for exams and doing assignments.
In addition, art and music can learn specific ability and this helps children leads to an educational process. needed for the educational process. In other worlds, art and music can improve many useful skills such as creativity and imagination, which as a result allows them to obtain valuable information, stay ahead, and attain personal growth. People need to be educated throughout their lives because education is the most powerful weapon that they can use to change the world. For instance, according to a study done by the Korea Times, It revealed that as modern society is becoming has become increasingly prone to change, today's world requires people with creativity.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is many advantages there are many advantages for children to have art and music as mandatory school subjects. All things considered, It is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 전체적으로 불필요한 부연설명이 많다 보니 각 단락의 내용들의 빈약점이 많이 보여지는 에세이인거 같습니다. 설명 부분이 충분하지 않다 보니까 각 단락들을 통하여서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지를 잘 모르겠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 구체적으로 설명하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |