▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that grading system is
the best way to evaluate students. However, in my opinion, grading system is not
the suitable way to evaluate students. This is because grading system has a bad
effect on the students. for the following two subsequent reasons.
Grading
systems have a bad effect on the students To begin with, grading system is bad for students. What I mean is that, they could ruin
the students’ relationships with the peers. Grading system shows the one’s
grade, and this can make the student to think, ‘I have to fight with the upper
level, and they are all my enemies.’ You might think that this is not a usual
case (지금 이 전체적인 문장이 너무 구어체 입니다 에세이를 읽는 다는 것 보다는 이야기를 읽는다라는 느낌이 많이 듭니다). However, I have been through this situation have confronted with this situation. When I was in high school, I
was so eager to go to the university which is high-ranked. To go there, I had
to get higher grade in every exam, so I studied very hard. However, the friend
of mine always ranked higher than me, even though I put so much effort. I was
very close with her, because she was very kind, funny, and lovely. However, after
I realized that her grade is always higher than me, I started to jealous her. Because
of my emotion, we could not sustain the relationship, so I do not contact with
her now. I know that this is my fault, but sometimes I think that the situation
I was faced was too cruel to me. One day I watched the television and I found
that the Korean student interviewed the Norway elementary school’s president. She
asked him that why your school do not evaluate students by grading when they finish
running. His answer is so memorable to me even now. He said, if there are
grading system after they run, students cannot enjoy the running.
점수: 20 일단 결론이 어디있나요? 독립형 에세이에서는 결론이 하는 역할은 에세이를 마무리 하는 역할을 하는 것 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 결론이 없으니 마무리가 없습니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이는 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 거 같습니다. 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하니 에세이가 장황하게 변하고 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 또한 구어체로 에세이가 서술되어 있기 때문에 좀 더 문어체로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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