▶ Your Answer :
It has been often suggested that a
teacher’s ability to relate well with students is important. However, I agree
with this idea that a teacher’s ability is to give students special knowledge
of subjects they teach. The reasoning behind this is that students’ duty is
learning certain knowledge of subject, and a teacher’s duty is teaching special
knowledge of subject. In addition, students tend not to homework, or
concentrate class when students are related well with teacher for the following two subsequent reasons. (이미 밑에서 다 설명을 할 꺼기 때문에 복잡하게 모든 것을 설명할 필요가 없습니다.)
To begin with, students’ duty is learning
certain knowledge of subject, and a teacher’s duty is teaching special
knowledge of subject both students and teachers have a duty to learn something. In other words, teacher have has to teach certain knowledge
of subjects and check their extent to understanding. Therefore, it is more
important to teach knowledge than to relate well with students. To take
example, When I was a high school student, my teacher said joke to relate well with
our classroom mates during class. Then, I hated her behavior because I wanted
to learn tests’ information and, I just wanted to learn more knowledge to take
test, so I shared my opinion with my classmates. Many friends agreed with my
idea.
Secondly, students tend to not to homework,
or concentrate class when students are related well with teacher. In other
words, it is more effective to educate something in situation where students
are far from teacher. When the teacher is intimate with their students, they
tend not to do homework, or concentrate class when students are related well
with teacher. To take personal example, I did not homework when I was intimate
with teacher because I thought that teacher overlooked my fault due to closing
relation. When I have far from teacher, I studied hard because I felt that
teacher was scaring for me. Because of far distant with me
In conclusion, teacher have to concentrate
to teach certain knowledge of subject because students’ duty is learning
certain knowledge of subject, and a teacher’s duty is teaching special
knowledge of subject. Moreover, students tend not to homework, or concentrate
class when students are related well with teacher.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 모두 개연성이 부족한 에세이인거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 개연성이 항상 필요합니다. 왜 이러한 부분들이 등장하고 이 부분이 중요한지를 명확하게 설명해야하는 데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에는 이러한 부분에 있어서 많은 부족함이 보입니다. 특히 각 단락에서의 예시들이 왜 등장했지라는 의문을 들게 합니다. 따라서 에세이를 서술하실 때 항상 개연성에 초점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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