▶ Your Answer : It may seem true that the extended family is not as important now as before. Although people may hold different ideas and opinions, I personally support the idea that the extended family is still important now as before for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, the extended family gives people to communicate with large family members. Compared with the past, there is little opportunity to get in touch with family members since everyone is so busy and people put more importance on individualism. However, interaction between family members is must. The extended family provide people with means to communicate and interact with family members. For example, my family and grandparents did not live together. My family lived near by grandparent's house. However, I had almost no opportunity to communicate with my grandparents because of work and there was no intimacy between us. Recently, we began to live together and now I feel sense of closeness toward my grandparents. Now I am very comfortable with my grandparents and grad that I can interact with grandparents everyday. On top of that, people can offer and receive assistances each other, especially with infant care, when they live together. Nowadays, more people maintain their work after marriage regardless of gender. So people who breed infants have troubles in taking care of them. When people live together, they can ease this problem. Indeed a study conducted by the National Institute of Society is well aligned with this statement. The purpose of this survey was to examine the changes of family forms today. Researchers tracked 100 couples who just got married. At first, they did not live with their parents or other family members. However, two thirds of them responded that now they live with their family members since they need help to look after their infants. In a nutshell, whether the extended family is not as crucial now as before is open to interpretation, it seems reasonable to claim that living together with large family members is still important as before because of two reasons mentioned in this essay.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽하게 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 각 단락들이 자신의 의견을 잘 보여줄 뿐만아니라 간결하고 논리적으로 잘 풀어서 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |