▶ Your Answer :
People's intellectual, social, and personal development are highly influenced by their parents. With this understanding, I believe that to select a job in the same field as their parents is better for young people than to choose a different carreer for themseleves. There are two reasons for that: it enable people to save a lot of time and obtain a birght bright future.
To begin with, choosing a job in the same field as their parents enable people to save much time and live a better life. When students prepare for getting to get a job, they have to spend a lot of time. For example, there is a recent research statistic conducted by Seoul National University demonstrating that more than 10,000 hours are required for a university students to prepare a career. Consequently, they have to suffer less time of vacation and for hobby. If they do not need to spend a lot of time on preparing a career, they will enjoy better quality of life.
On top of that, they can easily be successful in the future. It is undoubtful that people need experts' advice adivce to be successful in job fields. If parents are experts in the area where I work on, it is easy to get advices and make a better diecision, as well as to obtain a great insight about the field. for example, my best friend became an optician and recruited in a glass company. Few years later, he got a high statue of the company. As I heared from another friend, his father is CEO of the company. Essenctially, being involved in a field where parents are working on is highly beneficial.
To sum up, I beiliven believe that it is better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents. Obviously, the singnificant importance of above two reasons, effective to save time and to be successful in the future, cannot be underestimated.
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 기본적인 철자 문제 좀 지켜주세요. 글의 내용은 잘 써주셨지만 기본적인 철자 오류가 글에 너무 많습니다. 먼저 지적할 부분을 얘기하자면 첫번째 바디에서 choosing a job 이기 때문에 그 job을 지칭하는 their이 필요합니다. 또 그 다음 문장에서도 수동적인 for getting 보다는 to get가 더 적합합니다. 두번쨰 바디에서도 to be successful이 맞습니다. 그리고 advice 자체가 복수를 포함하기 때문에 굳이 s를 추가해 주실 필요가 없습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |