▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that moving to a new city or country is a not good idea, although because people will lose him or her old friends. However, I think that shifting residence to another city or country is an excellent idea for the following subsequent two subsequent reasons. To begin with, old friends will still remain a friend wherever people are. Since old friends have many common-experiences and memories. These make friendship far longer, even if they do not meet often. In other words, at first, they might think their friendship is over, however they will realize that their relationship have been lasted when they meet. For example, in my cases, I had to left my hometown (Busan) to study at a university in Seoul. As a result, I could not meet my old friend during for 2 years. However, even though I met my old friends after a long time, they were not awkward to me not at all. That is, common-things had maintained our friendship. On the top of that, it is possible to make better friends at a new city or country. Having old friends means people have ability to make new friends anywhere. IN addition to, there are many methods that make new friends, if you adapt well to the new culture. Nobody knows whether newly met friends will become people’s best friends. For instance, my friend Jongil went to Japan to study abroad last year. He worried that if he be was left alone at unfamiliar country. However, he met a really good friend Misuki. In a nut shell, I believe that moving to a new city or country is a good idea despite losing people’s old friends. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons that I have mentioned above.
예상 점수: 21-24 총평: 우선 내용을 굉장히 잘써주셨고 예시도 매우 적절하게 잘 제시해주셨습니다. 아쉬운점이 있다면 인트로에서 although가 아니라 because라는 연결형을 써주시는게 맞고 첫번쨰 바디에서 since로 문장을 시작해주시면 그 절뒤에 새로운 절을 붙여서 설명을 해주시던지, 아니면 since를 삭제하시는게 맞습니다. 그 문단 뒤에는 have been lasted는 말이 안되므로 have lasted로 바꾸어 주셔야 하며 during이 아니라 어법상 for이 더 적합합니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |