■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : By paying higher salaries to professors, universities can improve the quality of education. |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that universities can
increase the quality of education by paying higher salaries to professors.
However, I think that the quality of education is not improved due to higher
salaries to professors. There are two reasons. First, the quality of
education does not have to do with salaries of professors. Second, there
are other factors that affect the quality of education for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 말할 것 이기 때문에 굳이 인트로에서 장황하게 설명할 필요가 없습니다) .
To begin with, higher
salaries of professors do not have impact on the quality of education. To
be specific, in addition to preparing lectures, many professors have a lot of
their own tasks like cooperating with other groups, participating in seminar,
taking care of their students and so on. Therefore, (1)it is hard for them to focus
solely on preparing their lectures though their salaries can be
increased even though the salary has been increased it is difficult to solely focus on lecture, . For example, there was a survey conducted by Korea University
with 200 professors as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand
their thoughts about impediments for preparing their lectures to prepare the lectures. The majority of
respondents replied that time deficiency prevent them from preparing their
lectures prevents from preparing the lectures. This survey proves that most professors are hard to prepare their lectures not because of their low salaries but because of (2)lack of time resulted from many works lack of time.
On top of that, salary of professor (3)is
just one of the factors which can affect the quality of education in
university is the only one element that increases the quality of education. To be specific, (4)they include the environment
of lecture rooms, infra of the university, school library and so
on, which would be more important than professors when it comes to the quality
of education such element includes with the different kinds of environment of the lecture. For example, there is an admirable professor whose lecture is
always good in my university and I was taken his lecture last semester.
However, the lecture room where he took a lecture was not good because the
audio was easily malfunctioned and (5)electrical board sometimes cannot show
letters written by the professor. electrical board could not show the hand writing of the professor. It prevented students from focusing on lecture,
which led to decrease the quality of education.
To sum up, the correlation between salaries of professors and the
quality of education is less than we think. Also, the quality of education is
not entirely dependent on professors. In this regard, I firmly believe
that though salaries of professors are increased, it is less
likely for the quality of lecture to be improved.
점수: 22 일단 전체적으로 어색한 표현들이 너무 많은 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 플로우가 방해를 받게 되다 보면 자신이 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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제가 생각하기에 어색하거나 문법적으로 맞는지 의심이 되는 표현들을 밑줄 표시해봤습니다. 그리고 제가 원하는 뜻은 다음과 같습니다.
1. 비록 그들의 월급이 증가될 수 있다고 해도 그들(교수들)이 오직 강의를 준비하는데 집중하는 것은 어렵다.
2. 그들의 적은 시간; 이 설문조사는 증명한다./ 많은 교수들이 그들의 강의를 준비하는 것이 어렵다고 / 그들의 낮은 임금 때문이 아니라 일이 너무 많아서 시간이 없기 때문에
3. 단지 요인들 중의 하나이다; 교수들의 임금은 대학교에서 교육의 질에 영향을 주는 요인들 중 하나에 불과하다.
4. they = factors
5. 전자 칠판은 가끔 교수님이 쓴 글자를 보여주지 못한다.
토플 공부하는데 도움을 주셔서 정말 감사드립니다.