▶ Your Answer :Some people argues that it is better to go abroad when you are
older. There are obviously many opinions regarding this topic, but it is clear
that traveling abroad when you are younger is much more effective. (For what?) The concepts
of motivation and a job clearly show this theme.
First of all, traveling around the world can
increase young people’ motivation in their lives life. This is mainly because unlike
older people who already know a lot, young people can easily get inspiration and innovative
idea through the trip. (Why's that?) This can be a facilitator which motivates them to
improve themselves. Thus, they will make more effort (To do what?) , concentrate more and feel more
responsible for what they do. This can which eventually bring a about better outcome in their lives life.
For example, my brother, a college student majoring in computer engineering, used
to be negligent and lost interest in his studies. However, since he went to France
during the vacation, he has changed little by little. He started to spend more time
studying and had enthusiasm for learning. The reason was that my brother
appreciated a variety of art pieces in France and he got inspiration and
innovative ideas about app development. If he had not traveled to France, he
would still be irresponsible.
Moreover, traveling abroad is helpful for young people’ career. This
due to the fact that unlike older people who already have a job and many
experiences, through the oversees trip, (Not general) young people will develop a cultural
competence. As modern society has become increasingly specialized, today’s
companies are looking for employees having such qualities. Therefore, these are
important to fight for jobs in highly competitive labor markets. For example,
my father, the CEO of a company (Which company?)in Korea, often tells me that a job interview typically
precedes the hiring decision. He and other interviewers at the interview mainly
look at the applicant’s passion and the ability to understand anther culture.
This means that traveling abroad when younger age is a sure way for young people
to prepare for the future.
In conclusion, it seems to me that it is better to travel abroad to visit
different countries when you are younger. The examples of motivation and employment
support the argument.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-20 |
- 템플릿을 이용하여 자신의 아이디어를 잘 표명하여 주셨습니다.
- 다만 topic 과 관련하여, young people vs old people의 특징을 잘 정리하여 장/단점을 서로 비교해가며쓰는 것이 자신의 아이디어를 support하기에 좋습니다.
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