▶ Your Answer : Some people think that raising children is harder than past. However, in my opinion, recently raising children is easier for parents.
First of all, parents can receive public assistance, Actually governments offer financial support to parents all over the world. For example, since 2014, low-birth rates increased until these day and it putted our country in risk . So korea government made some solutions for parents to encourage having children . And one of the biggest solution was offering financial support and additional benefits for parents who have children . Specifically free day-care system is representative example to take off people's burden about raising their children. Through the system woman who is caring around 0-6 age children can have free days for resting and caring their young age children.
Moreover, today is easier to get useful information. Before 50 years ago was less informative and developed than these days. On the other hand, today is much easier to get useful information about how to teach and raise children.And there is reason For instance, there are a lots of cutting-edge devices like smartphone and computer. By using these devices people are able to access numerous information and share their ideas freely. And it makes people possible to communicate with difficult things to handle than solve the problems by asking someone who is master of it. From my experience, When i wanted to know about growing season due to my short height, i used to search the questions by using website called '지식in' which attached NAVER corporation. After few minutes, medical expert gave advice to me and i was really happy to know that i have possibility to grow in future.
To sum up, i firmly believe that today is much more less difficult than past 5 decades. Because nowadays people can get public assistance and access various information they need.
점수: 22 너무 예시 중점인 독립형 에세이입니다. 예시 중점인것도 좋긴 하지만 지금 이 에세이는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 너무나 많이 부족합니다. 이유에 대한 구체적인 설명이 자세하게 서술하여야지만 왜 이러한 이유가 나오게 되었는 지를 알 수 있게 됩니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 구체적 설명이 없다 보니 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지를 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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