▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, teacher`s salary plays a significant role in people`s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that teacher`s salary allows the quality of education in a country to be improved, while others do not think different. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that the quality of education in a country will be developed if teacher`s salary increases. There are several reasons as follows for the following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, when teacher`s salary increases, it can cultivate teacher`s work performance teachers' work performance could be cultivated. It requires teachers to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result in performance brings about a better result in work performance. For example, my youngest brother was a irresponsible instructor. He used to be selfish and irresponsible. However, he has changed little by little gradually after he transferred to other high school in which the teacher`s salary is high. He started to maintain a good behavior by monitoring students in his classes and consulting them in person. As a result, his students also increased their grades. If a teacher`s salary had not increased was not increased, he would not have fallen behind and increased the quality of education.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of increasing in teacher`s salary far outweigh disadvantages of that for a reason I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of teacher`s salary cannot be overestimated in life.
점수: 22 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 경향을 가지고 있는 에세이는 에세이 자체가 장황하게 됩니다. 장황하게 되다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 변질이되다 보면 주제를 벗어날 수 있는 상황도 마주치게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 간결하고 명확하게 본인의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |