▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that the policy that high schools requires all students to wear school uniforms is the better than the other in terms of controlling students effectively. However, in my opinion, the policy that high school enables students to decide what to wear in the school is the better choice than the mandatory method. There are two reasons supporting my arguments. First, it can strengthen student's creativity in the long run aspect. Also, having a mandatory policy ultimately can cause student's strong opposition insurgency. To begin with, permitting the students to select their apparel without any constraint can help develop creativity. Essentially, creativity can be based on the freedom status. (What does it mean?) So, restriction on it binding this status can hinder the development of creativity. Furthermore, having this capacity (Explain it) can lead people to success succeed in this contemporary society with so many similar people. There was a survey conducted by a group of a the business department, with 200 CEOs as respondents. The purpose of the study was to figure out the effect that the status without any no constraint on student's attire help creativity and this creativity can help them succeed. What they found was extremely intriguing. The overwhelming 85% grew up in the condition without any restraint and their high level of creativity could cause success. (Why's that?) On top of that, implementing the mandatory policy can cause opposition among students people's unsatisfied situation. Actually, almost all people who argue forced uniform policy usually contend that allowing students to choose their apparel hinder control. (What control?) But, it is totally untrue. Guaranteeing student's freedom utmost with minimal restraint is the right method of controlling them. I'll take my personal experience as an example to clarify what I mean. When I was high school students, there were a significant control policy in the school like hair style or the uniform. Of course, there were also many unsatisfactory unsatisfied opinions from the students. One day, the crowd with students gathered the playground and spoked to their voiced on this issue for 3 months. After that incident, the head of school acknowledged their voice and then permitted lots of things about students. The surprising things we could found out that after that time, ironically there was no need to control students because they took part in school's request. Taking developing their creativity and preventing the students from insurgency situation into consideration, permitting their apparel without any constrain is the better choice than the other.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 15-17 | - 첫 번째 이유에서의 creativity와 관련된 근거가 미흡합니다. 단지 제약을 두지않는 것이 creativity를 높일 수 있다고만 주장하고 있습니다. 관련있는 내용을 설명해주셔야 합니다.
- Control policy라는 단어는 다소 어색하기 들리기 때문에 the policy of controlling students attire and hair~등으로 정정하여 주세요. - 두 번째 이유도 마찬가지로 control과 관련하여 근거가 부족한 편입니다. |
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