▶ Your Answer :
People have many opinions regarding the information comes from the internet the internet information. Personally, I strongly believe that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information and this advantage overweights the problem caused by the internet. The concept of accessibility and specificity illustrate this argument. for the following two subsequent reasons. First of all, accessibility to information accelerates the time of the development of the society (이 부분은무슨 의미를 말하려고 하는 거지요? 설명이 필요해 보입니다). This is mainly supported by the fact that many research teams found (그래서 리서치 팀들이 무엇을 찾았다는 겁니까?). There are tons of the study that claims that the development of the internet facilitate the spread of the information and the development. For example, Mendel and Darwin lived in the same era, but they did not know each other's theory. If Darwin could get a information about Mendel's theory about the gene, Darwin had a concrete mechanism that proves his theory. However, his theory is approved after his death and descendant find out the Mendel's work. Moreover, specificity of the internet makes it possible for people to search the specific topic they want. These days technology to screen out the useful information is available (이 부분을 통해서 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 지를 자세하게 설명할 필요가 있어 보입니다). This enables people to save one's time and get useful information easily. In the past, one need to search all the books in the library to search the paper about specific field, but thanks for the internet, typing the key words and clicking are just enough to find out the proper information. For instance, digitization of the information contributed to correct the wrong history. Rosaline Franklin was the scientist who find out the DNA structure by the x-ray technology but Watson stole this information and write a article about it. That's why Watson and Crick could win the novel prize. But because of the digitalization of the information, people can find out that Rosalin was the one who created the depiction of the DNA structure for the first time.
In conclusion, although the assertion that so much information creates the problem can be true, its advantages overweight the disadvantages that caused by internet. The reasons of this are based on the fact that accessibility to information interconnects the information which facilitate the development and technology that enables us to find out specific information shorten the time of research.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 철자적 오류들이 있습니다. 이러한 철자적 오류들을 피하기 위해서는 에세이를 다 서술하시고 난 후 proofreading이 꼭 필요합니다. Proofreading을 하다 보면 자신이 어느 부분에서 문제를 가지고 있는 지를 알 수 있기 때문입니다. 또한 설명이 잘 안되어 있는 부분들이 있습니다. 특히 무슨 뜻을 내포하는 지 잘 모르겠는 부분들이 있기 때문에 구체적인 설명이 필요해 보입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |