▶ Your Answer : Opinions might be divided over whether Television has distracted communications among family and friends. However, I disagree with the statements for two reasons: in respect of being together and sharing things.
First of all, I think that televisions make members of a group familiar. An act of watching television is not doing alone, but together such as with friends or family. Therefore, they watch watching a television show, for example, a comedy show or drama, they would laugh together will make them laugh and share their emotions. In my case, when I was studied at university, I lived in a dormitory. The dormitory has a floor where students lived there and could watch television together. Thanks for the floor, I could watch a comedy show with other students who lived in the dormitory and talked with them. Thus, I made a good connection with them.
Second, by watching television, people can share own their opinions with each other and they can develop their opinions. Many announcers and celebrities are talking about something new or hot trends and topics. So, while watching television programs, people also say their thoughts about the topics. They can share their opinions and finally, they will know about each other more. For example, my friends and their boyfriends usually watched news program together. During watching While they watched the television, they talked about the headlines and shared what they think about that each other. Thus, they could understand their way to think about something better each other.
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 흐름이 너무 안좋은 글입니다. 내용은 적합하지만 어법상 전개가 너무 툭툭 끊기고 문법적인 문제가 많아서 글이 쉽게 읽히지 않습니다. 우선 인트로에서는 절의 대구를 위해서 마찬가지로 현재진형형 동사가 와야합니다. 다음으로 첫번째 바디에서는 어법상 맞게 하기 위해서는 they watch보다는 watching이 그리고 they would laugh보다는 will make them laugh로 써서 뒤에 절과 대구를 이루시는게 중요합니다. was studied라는 표현은 존재하지 않습니다. 또 people이면 their, my friends기 때문에 their boyfriends가 되어야 합니다. 전체적으로 단어와 표현들이 대구가 잘 이루어지지 못합니다. 수정이 많이 필요해 보입니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |