▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be
divided over whether it is better to eating food at restaurants or at home. Personally, I think
that food is needed to be eaten at home for two reasons: saving to save money and to make making good connections.
First of all,
eating food at home saves money in many aspects. Usually, eating food outside
such as restaurants and food stands make people consume more money. If people
prepare and eat food at home, they could save money. By buying materials for
cooking cuisine, they can use those things more than once. Therefore, eating at
home is a benefit. In my case, I can buy twice the materials for preparing dinner
at home by spending money which would be spent in a restaurant once.
Second, eating
food at home makes members of whom lived in the same house more familiar. If
they buy materials for cooking cuisine and cook together at their house, they
will help each other and develop good connections. Also, eating together in a
dining room, they can communicate and interact regularly. This makes them more
familiar. For example, I had an experience that stayed at my aunt’s home for a
month. At first, I was alone and I could not get along with members of aunt’s
family easily. My aunt decided to eat dinner with me every day, and I ate food
with aunt’s family regularly. Thus, finally, I made a good relationship with
them.
예상 점수: 21-24 총평: 어법상 어색한 부분이 많아서 글을 수정할 필요가 있는 부분이 많습니다. 먼저 intro에서 it is better to eat가 되어야 하며 : 뒤에도 saving같은 동명사보다는 to 부정사를 활용하시는게 훨씬 글이 깔끔합니다. 첫번째 바디의 경우에도 마짐가에서 would be를 사용해주시는게 훨씬 글을 자연스럽게 만들어줍니다. 내용은 적합하게 잘 써주셨습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |