▶ Your Answer : It is a well-known fact that how much students learn from school has
a lot to do with who their teachers are. Some people say that the most
important virtue a teacher should have is his or her ability to give out
knowledge. In my opinion, however, a teacher’s ability to connect and make bonds
with students is more important when it comes to teaching. This is because
students can learn better when they feel connected to their teachers and tend
to become more open-minded toward education and school. for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 말할 것이기 때문에 인트로를 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다)
To begin with, students are likely to try
harder and be more enthusiastic when the feel they are connected to their
teachers feel more enthusiastic and try harder to study. No matter how great a class is, it is of no use if students are not
paying attention do not pay attention. It becomes a very inefficient and waste of time with no
knowledge delivered to students. To illustrate this point, when I was a
student, I was always bad at science. I could barely understand what the class
was about and began to lose interest. However, when I was in my senior year of
high school, I met a teacher who tried his best to connect to his students and
made classes interesting instead of giving out endless information after
another. I began to have motivation and will to study on my own and even do
extra homework to follow the class and my teacher. Consequently, my grades began
to improve and it had everything to do with the motivation my teacher gave me.
Moreover, when you are a teacher teaching
young minds, it is crucial to keep your students interest in learning new
things and studying connection makes students studying (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). After years of studying and taking numerous classes,
students grow tired of learning and begin to lose interest. They are likely to
forget forget the joy of learning new things by taking incessant tests. It should not
be just about making students study and read text books, it should be more about
keeping them motivated and eager to find their passion. For example, when I was
in high school, I had a friend with an exceptionally bright mind. Teachers were
so excited to see a smart student that they just pushed him to study things he
was not interested in and made him study too much wile taking the fun out of
it. After a while, my friend began to lose interest in the whole thing and
became a low self-esteem student with no passion.
In short, in my perspective, it is more
important to relate well to the students than to give out knowledge. It helps
students to try harder and keep them motivated.
점수: 26 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 전반적인 에세이 플로우를 방해를 줍니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 오류 이외에는 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 보여주는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락에서의 구체적 예시를 통하여서 왜 선생님들이 학생들과 소통을 해야하는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |