▶ Your Answer : I totally disagree with this statement, Regardless of time, Teacher is very important role in schools. There are some reasons why, (지금 이 인트로는 적절치 않는 거 같습니다. 인트로에서 필요한 것은 훅이 나오고 반박하는 입장과 자신의 입장이 나와야하는데 지금 이 인트로는 둘 다 부족합니다)
First, Students can ask the teacher for academic help. Although I could admit Students can study without teachers. It is a not efficient way. To be specific, When students have question about studying, They are difficult to resolve the question they have. For example When I was a college student, I struggled with my engineering subjects. I came to my professor and asked difficult parts. then, I could get proper solutions. It was helpful for me. Therefore Students need teachers to be successful studying (지금 단락은 정리가 덜 되어있는 거 같습니다. 이 단락을 통하여서 무슨 말을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악이 되지 않습니다).
Second, The teacher can help vocational help. To explain, If someone want to be an airline pilot. Teacher can advise that way. How to be Airline pilot, and also, Teacher can Introduce person who know Airline pilot or their's one of relatives. then, Students could be advice their's future plans. It is really important roles for studnets. It will be super-motivations to students.
Third, Teachers can help advice for life. If have conflict with family or friends, They can help to students objectively, Because The teacher and The student have much time in a school. Generally, Teachers know students' characteristics and personalities. Then, It is easy to advice them for proper methods. for example, When I was in a highschool students, I have trouble with my classmate. My teacher knew that situations, The teacher gather me and my friend and counselling problems Because of this help, I could resolve problems with classmates.
Therefore, I think I couldn't agree this question. Teachers' presence value is unchangable.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 17 일단 이 에세이를 읽어가면서 느낀것은 정리가 덜 되어 있다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 정리가 덜 된 느낌이 드는 것 중에 하나는 인트로 부터 결론 까지 이 에세이에서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인지를 잘 모르겟습니다. 특히 이 에세이의 인트로는 적절한 인트로 가 아니고 세 가지 이유를 서술하였는데. 세 가지 이유들 모두 적절하게 본인의 설명을 재대로 하지 않는 거 같습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 자신이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 명확하게 아는 에세이를 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |