▶ Your Answer :
The friend Friend is one
of the most important factors in our life. It is controversial whether migrate
of people affect a friend's association moving to new city can lead to loss of friend. Some people think that it
is not good for people to move a new city or country because they might be
destroyed their friendship as they can lose old friendship. In my opinion, however, I think that there is no
connection with moving to another city and friendship for two subsequent
reasons.
To
begin with, important things with friend is mind not how
far we are friendship does not correlate to the distance. We can make good association (association 단어는 여기서 적합하지 않는 거 같습니다), although we are limited by
distance. It was hard to keep in touch in the past,
but now It does not (it에 대상이 무엇을 가르키고 있는 건가요? 명확한 대상을 서술하시길 바랍니다). Developed items help people to communicate each
other’s. For example, when I was young, I had a friend who was Tom. Tom
and I was very friendly, so we were together every day. One
day, he said that he had to migrate to America. I was so worried that we
could not meet and it cause bad effect to our friendship. However, we could
call and send massage on phone every day. So It felt like we are very
closely. We have kept in touch now.
On top of that, it is hard to destroy friendship with old friend. As long
as we associate, friendship is harder. It is spent much time to far their
relationship than make friends. For example, my mom and her
friend are friendly although they have lived in other country.
To sum up, moving to other country cannot affect friendship. This is because
important things with friend is mind not how far we are and It
is hard to destroy friendship with old friend.
점수: 21 각 단락들이 문제를 가지고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우에 있어서 대상들이 모호한 부분이 많습니다. 무엇을 가르키고 있는 것인지 파악하기 가 힘들정도로 대상이 모호합니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 문법적인 오류는 없지만 내용이 너무 빈약합니다. 내용이 빈약하기 때문에 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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