Whether to spend time with family or stay at work could be a difficult
problem for every workers around the world. If they choose one they
have to give up the other. If I were asked to choose between the two options, I would say spending time with family
is more valuable than putting more effort into working. There are several
reasons as follows.
To begin with, when people are with their loved ones, they can strengthen
their emotional bond and feelings of security in their relationships. It gives
them more chances to socialize with their loved ones by getting to know and
understand each other while spending more time with them. Being with people
they care about tend to prevent them from feeling lonely in today’s cynical
society. For instance, when my brother was in high school, she he often felt depressed thinking that his life became
an exhausting routine. It was difficult to make friends he could rely on since
all of them seemed busy and indifferent to others, treating each other as
rivals. Fortunately, he was able to get over his feeling of loneliness by
talking to our family over dinner. He was able to seek for advice and obtain
words of comfort simply by spending more time with family. By doing this, he
was able to connect with them more easily and promote their relationships. (예시가 아쉬워요. 템플릿이 상황에 잘 어울리지 않습니다.)
Secondly, when people spend time with their family, it can contribute to
an increase of happiness in their life. When people have a chance to do
something with their family, they choose to do something different from what
they would do in their usual routine. A new experience tends to prevent them
from feeling bored in life. For example, when I was in middle school, I used to
feel depressed for running around in circles every day. For I felt huge
pressure that I had to outdo others, I spent the
whole day studying all academic subjects. Fortunately, I was able to bear such pressure
and stress in a safe way by spending the weekends with my family. Whenever the weather was fine, we
went camping and ate delicious food there. By doing this, I was able to let off
some steam and relax. If I had not spent time with my family, I would have not
escaped from my exhausting routine.
To sum up, I believe
spending time with family is more beneficial than being at work for it can
increase overall happiness and strengthen emotional bond and feelings of
security. All in all, the importance of family should not be overlooked.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
25 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류가 많지는 않지만, 본문
첫 문단의 예시가 아쉽습니다. 템플릿이 조금 어색했어요. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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