▶ Your Answer :
In today's society, some people assert that strict rules are necessary for children's major accomplishment in their lives. Other people, however, believe that it is unnecessary to set a series of strict rules for their children. In these viewpoints, even though there are some reasonable arguments to support their one's opinion, I want to suggest that there are no needs to educate children by setting strict rules for them for following reasons.
First of all, it is evident that strict rules kill children's creativity. To explain it in detail, it clearly makes children to act unnaturally due to strict rules. According to the experiment conducted by Seoul National University in Korea, it proved that children can suffer from irreversible damages on their creativity if parents do not allow their children thinking and acting freely. It added that strict rules makes their children to feel despondent because limited arrange of acting can bring negative effects on children's growth of logical and creative thinking. + 이를 뒷받침하는 과학적 예시/근거 등을 제공해주세요.
Furthermore, because of strict rules, children can be predisposed to have an extremely low confidence in their whole lives. I have my childhood friend named For instance, my friend Kyle can be an example proving this point. He was a sharp-witted boy and always did well in our class in elementary school. However, when we moved up to high school, one day Kyle said to me that their parents required him to study hard and do not play computer games until he enters the University that parents wanted him to attend. Since that time, Kyle could not play computer games and even blocked to go out and meet friends like me. As a matter of fact, Kyle lost his interesting to learning rapidly. As a friend, I thought it was not a reasonable decision that Kyle's life was ruled by an unwanted strict rules. Of course, I still feel sorry to say that Kyle's grade of college exam was not good in the end. (high school 에서 부모님의 엄격한 규칙으로 인해 공부에 흥미를 잃게 된 내용에 대해 추가적으로 서술해야 합니다. 본 문장은 서술된 내용과 크게 연관성이 떨어집니다)
To sum up, I firmly believe that strict rules are not helpful for their children's education, and it is even extremely bad for their lives. If we can let our children do think and act freely, they can catch two rabbits with one stone: creativity and confidence in their lives in near future.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD | FAIR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 기초적인 단어의 spelling mistake가 많습니다. 이 점 주의해주세요.
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